25 LESSONS
What We
Learned from Oprah
by
Nancy Mehagian and Judith A. Proffer
Smashwords Edition
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Published on Smashwords by:
Premier Digital Publishing
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and
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25 Lessons: What We Learned from Oprah
Copyright 2011 by Huqua
Press, an operating unit of Morling Manor Corporation.
Authors:
Nancy Mehagian and Judith A. Proffer
eISBN: 978-1-937624-40-8
Hardcover published by: Huqua Press
All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.
Any views, opinions, writings or other content of this book expressed in any manner including what has been learned from watching 25 years of The Oprah Winfrey Show, are solely those of the authors and do not represent those of Oprah Winfrey, Harpo Productions or anyone associated with Oprah Winfrey or her entities, in any manner whatsoever. Nothing in this book should be construed as emanating from Oprah Winfrey or Harpo Productions.
Cover design by Hugh Syme (www.hughsyme.com)
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(AP Photo/Ron Lewis)
For everyone of us that succeeds, it’s because there’s somebody there to show you the way out. The light doesn’t always necessarily have to be in your family; for me it was teachers and school.
~ Oprah Winfrey
* * * * *
For Jessica, David, Victoria and Brianna.
Even when life
startles, there is love and there is light.
* * * * *
Judith Proffer and Nancy Mehagian at Wolf People in Cocolalla, Idaho
Nancy Mehagian is a healer, teacher, epicurean and award-winning author of Siren’s Feast, An Edible Odyssey. As a massage therapist she treated Oprah Winfrey. She is also the author of The Supernatural Kids Cookbook and lives in Studio City, California with her two dogs.
Judith A. Proffer is a writer, book publisher and small business owner who was told by Quincy Jones that “Oprah Winfrey would really like you.” Former publisher of LA Weekly and OC Weekly and co-owner of Sun Community Newspapers, she has two grown stepsons and lives in Encino, California with her husband and two pugs.
Together they have enjoyed road trips and adventures that rival those of Gayle and Oprah.
* * * * *
Other Books by Huqua Press
and Premier Digital
Publishing:
The Supernatural Kids Cookbook
Siren’s Feast
Supernatural
Kids Cookbook Special 11/11/11 Edition (Coming Soon!)
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Table of Contents
3 Attract a Forever and Formidable Sidekick
8 When You Know Better You Do Better
10 Give Freely, Receive Graciously
15 I Never Thought of it That Way Before
16 Don’t Let Moments Define You, Let Them Divine You
24 Nourish and Nurture Yourself
25 Endings Aren’t Endings, They’re Beginnings in Different Suits of Clothing
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I was late arriving to the Oprah party. Between work, travel, and a disinterest in daytime television I could count on two hands the number of Oprah shows I had seen over the years—until her 25th season. Her pull-out-all-the stops extravaganza of reunions, now or never topics, now or never guests and great big teaching moments was a whirlwind of entertainment and enlightenment.
A week or two into this final year my friend Nancy raved to me about a particularly compelling Oprah episode and said, “You really should record this season. It’s going to be so good.” So this was the understanding—I set my DVR to record every show and Nancy would tell me which ones I absolutely could not miss. Beneath the veneer of famous faces I was struck by the lessons that were the cornerstone of each show. Some lessons were gentle whispers, some were like a hammer to the head; but lessons they were, each and every offering.
I noted that Oprah used her platform to do some of the things I have used my own (albeit significantly smaller) media platform to do— illuminate, inspire and educate. I witnessed Oprah the teacher at work. I enjoyed the guests who were there to entertain but were also there to inform. I got it.
In April 2011, a month before Oprah took her leave from her weekday perch, my husband was mulling over a complex business decision.
“Ah,” I said to him, “if you attended Oprah University you wouldn’t be this perplexed.”
The Oprah show the day before had shed light on something that I sort of knew, having to do with intention. I wed my own understanding with Oprah’s spin on spiritual law to ease his burden about this particular quandary.
The next day while hiking in the mountains near my San Fernando Valley home the idea for this book came to me like a thunderbolt. So many of the lessons I saw come to life on Oprah’s show are things I have learned from various teachers, healers, friends and experts over the past two and a half decades of living in Los Angeles. I have learned by living and taking risks and making mistakes and by surrounding myself with wisdom and grace. And I learned that just because we amass life-altering lessons along the way, it’s a blessing to have this information punctuated, often when we need it most. Ever the student. Ever evolving.
I approached Nancy to join me on this project. In encouraging me to revel in all this final season had to offer, she in fact was offering me a refresher course in key elements of Enlightened Living 101. Together we decided to share some personal stories to showcase how we have put this knowledge into action over the years.
This book is an homage to the top twenty-five lessons we believe Oprah viewers, both the new and the devout, can connect with. Read these lessons and you’ll enjoy a refresher course in some of media’s greatest teachings. Own these twenty-five lessons and you’ll live in authenticity, abundance, clarity and joy.
~ Judith A. Proffer
•
When I think of Oprah the word “integrity” comes to mind. That’s what touches me so deeply about this beloved media figure—her honesty. If everyone could be as honest as Oprah, what a world this would be. So when Judy came to me with her idea for this book, my first thought was, “What would Oprah think about it?” Then I thought, as long as it’s honest and from the heart, it might earn her stamp of approval. Oprah has touched so many people in so many different ways. I am delighted to have the opportunity to share my own feelings about her as well as pass on some key lessons she has shared with us over the years.
As a massage therapist I had the privilege of working on Oprah a couple of times and it was an absolute pleasure. I loved her complete lack of pretense. Being in her presence was like meeting up with someone I’ve known for a long time. One of my favorite stories about her has come from Stedman Graham, Oprah’s partner of many years, who just can’t get over the fact that she takes her own lunch to work every day. Hearing that has warmed my heart even more.
I never saw Oprah shine more brightly than she did by the final shows of Season 25. There was something about her that broadcast an unmistakable sense of levity. She carried so much responsibility—and carried it so well—for those 25 years. I was thrilled that she was preparing to take some time and space just for herself.
I am eternally grateful for all of Oprah’s good works and for the myriad ways in which she has used her life for the benefit of others. What an inspiration she has been for people everywhere. She has demonstrated over and over again what one person, with a heart as wide as the world, can accomplish. In the midst of all the craziness out there we are so fortunate to have had Oprah—a constant reminder of balance, generosity and grace.
~ Nancy Mehagian
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“The sages do not consider that making no mistakes is a blessing. They believe rather that the great virtue of man lies in his ability to correct his mistakes and continually make a new man of himself.”
~ Wang Yang Ming
•
Oprah has often said that had she not followed the media path that beckoned her she would have become a teacher. For the millions who attended “Oprah University” every day, we know that in actuality she didn’t forgo a teaching career. She is America’s teacher.
As the professor of possibilities, she dared us to hitch a ride for the journey of a lifetime. Oprah’s classroom was a studio with the greatest show and tell on earth and her students were rapt. Her chalkboard was our soul where she left an indelible imprint.
She guided us toward reading and eating and viewing and thinking and moving and reveling and being. And one of the greatest lessons we cull from twenty-five years is a not so gentle reminder to look for the lesson.
We learned that every obstacle is in fact a lesson—a gateway to our truth. Each hardship, each “no,” each road block, each frustrating or unexplainable or even awkward event is intended to illuminate and educate—to guide us onto the right path or to inspire us to explore a new action or way of thinking.
Above all Oprah has taught us that looking for the lesson is about learning to dialogue with our inner self or a higher power. Friends and family may gently guide us with insight and perspective on any given matter but the lesson is only truly learned when we have that “aha” moment that connects our dots, practically and spiritually.
When we look for the lesson and find it within, only then do we get a “passing grade” and move on to the next level of emotional and spiritual evolution.
•
Huka, my fawn pug, was just three years old. My fur child with chocolate pudding eyes is a mirthful and loving spirit. She is my sweet and silly sidekick.
One of the great loves of my life.
She was due for her vaccines. On the way to the vet, my head rattled with doubt and fear. “Is it really okay for duplicate vaccines to be administered at once? Is that too much for my fourteen-pound pup? Should I have done more research?” My veterinarian had assured me two weeks earlier that it’s common practice and is less stressful and less invasive for the animal when you “get it over with.” As I handed my precious bundle to the vet technician, I echoed the discontent rumbling in my stomach: “Is it protocol for her to have more than one vaccination at once?”
“We do it all the time,” was the comforting reply.
Fifteen minutes later a sprightly and sassy Huka was squirming in my embrace. She even tossed a little growl the way of the vet tech as we exited the office. I exhaled. All was good.
Ten minutes into our drive home things went horribly wrong. Huka began to vomit and struggled to maintain consciousness. I pleaded with her to hold on and somehow safely navigated the drive back to the vet. The waiting room was filled with people, cats, dogs and frustration. The office was behind schedule and an emergency meant all of those waiting would wait even longer. Their scowls gave way to compassion when they saw me awash in fear and vomit. Three veterinarians struggled to save her. And they did.
The lessons were large. Since that averted tragedy I have never let the voice inside me remain quiet. I have learned to trust my instincts. I also took an online vet technician course to be more aware and involved in my dogs’ health care. I learned that community appears in the most surprising of places. The eight or so people in the waiting room that day became my family and Huka’s cheerleaders for those two harrowing hours. They stayed with me and held my hand until my husband arrived. Their compassion was extraordinary and something I will long remember.
Two years later my husband Spencer and I were leashing up Huka and our male pug Quincy for a twilight walk. As I slipped the harness over Quincy’s head intuition told me to abort the walk. I told Spencer that instead of a stroll I just wanted to take them out quickly in the backyard. Neighbors told me the next morning that they had seen two coyotes trolling the neighborhood, brazenly walking down our street at the very time we were about to walk the pups. My peace of mind and their well being both remained intact as a direct result of heeding my inner voice.
~ J.P.
* * * * *
LESSON 2
Seek
Renewal in Nature
“Those who contemplate the beauty of the earth find reserves of strength that will endure as long as life lasts.”
~ Rachel Carson
•
Although Oprah loves the city of Chicago we’ve often heard her say that one of her favorite places to be is under a magnificent California oak tree on her Montecito estate, surrounded by her family of dogs. Oprah is truly at home in nature, which has inspired, nurtured and been a source of healing for her.
Oprah invited viewers along on a camping trip to Yosemite to encourage everyone to take time out and enjoy the natural wonders of the world around us. After she watched the astounding documentary series Planet Earth she promoted it on her show because she said it made her fall profoundly in love with “her Mother Earth.” She later narrated the natural history series Life and encouraged us to see Al Gore’s documentary on climate change, An Inconvenient Truth
After learning about the horrors of puppy mills, Oprah steered us toward becoming advocates of pet adoption and helped us become better stewards of our dogs by introducing us to some of the best trainers in the business. We cried with Oprah over the loss of her beloved golden retriever, Gracie, even though she said that loss helped her to slow down and appreciate life. Oprah, like many of us, believes that animals help us to become kinder and gentler people.
Oprah has taught us that this Earth is our classroom; that Nature in all its glory allows us breathing space and the means to experience stillness and regeneration. By taking the time to appreciate our natural world, we just might be able to feel the stirrings of our souls and gain new perspective and by learning how to better protect our precious planet we can ensure that Mother Earth will sustain and delight those who come after us.
Life whispers to us all the time. Sometimes those whispers happen under the shade of an oak tree or through nuzzles from our angels in fur. The whispers are a hello, a reminder and sometimes a demand for action. Nature gives us so much and asks so little in return.
•
Two sudden, startling and relatively young deaths in my family just two months apart had left me and my loved ones emotionally frail, deeply bereft and reminded in an unavoidable way about the fleeting nature of the life experience.
A month after the second loss, Nancy visited Spencer and me at our northern Idaho summer retreat. Remembering that Nancy has had a lifelong thing for wolves I planned to take her to visit Wolf People in Cocolalla, less than an hour away from our home. The wolf sanctuary offers visitors an opportunity to spend time with an adult wolf “ambassador” in a penned area adjacent to their shop and information center. For a nominal fee guests can caravan into the hills to meet a dozen more wolves, safely and contentedly living their lives away from gun-toting predators.
When I phoned to reserve a space on the sanctuary tour I was told to come early to play with the babies.
The babies?
Two packs of wolf cubs, one six-weeks-old, the other eight, were on the premises for a few hours each day. What a rare treat this would be for Nancy. She and I both adore dogs and I imagined her joy at getting to meet the ancestors of the animals we love so much.
We arrived nearly an hour before our designated time not wanting to miss out on the opportunity to say hello to the cubs. I assumed we would be escorted to the pens, a baby wolf placed gently in our arms for a photo op and then we’d be swept off to the hills to meet the main attraction. Instead just the two of us were ushered into a pen with five playful, rambunctious, fanged, silly, soft, tall-eared, awkward and simply adorable creatures. They nipped at our toes, they played with our clothes, they cuddled with us and we watched in utter amazement as they “wolfed” down their breakfast in a feeding frenzy.
We played with them for nearly an hour. Their mother had rejected them shortly after birth so they seemed to enjoy the attention as much as we did. They were the epitome of life.
This excursion was intended as a gift for my girlfriend yet this dance with nature gave way to something so much more for me. It was a source of renewal in the most unexpected place. I felt a palpable shift away from grief and mourning. I felt life. I had held it in my arms in such a tangible way. The healing had begun.
~ J.P.
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LESSON 3
Attract
a Formidable and Forever Sidekick
“The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when they discover that someone else believes in them and is willing to trust them.”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
•
Do you have an Ethel for your Lucy? A Sundance for your Butch? A Louise for your Thelma? A sidekick who is there for you through thick and thin? A fiercely loyal companion who loves you for you and not for what you have done for them lately? Oprah has that in Gayle King and never has a friendship been heralded or examined as much as the sparkling intimacy between these two forces of nature.
When Oprah speaks of her best girlfriend she does so with wistfulness, gratitude and admirable affection. Her eyes well and her heart swells. She maintains that Gayle is even happier for her success than she is herself. We believe her because that’s the kind of friend we strive to be—supportive and joyous without envy. What an incredibly healthy way to navigate life—to want the very best for your friend. To not display a twinge of jealousy. To be so incredibly openhearted that sharing a friend’s joy is just as fulfilling as having your own.
Yes, many of Oprah and Gayle’s adventures captured on camera are madcap and filled with torrents of laughter. They spar. They jest. They challenge each other. Yet a friendship this deep and authentic requires a foundation of loyalty, commitment, forgiveness and acceptance far away from audiences and sound bites. It requires nurturing and sensitivity and mindfulness. It requires time and a certain degree of selflessness. All friendships do.
From our front row seat we have watched this friendship weather media skepticism and time and time again we have seen Gayle display steadfast support. We have also seen Oprah return the favor. Thanks to her best friend Gayle has landed a key position at O Magazine, a plucky correspondent gig on the Oprah Show and even her own self-titled OWN program, not to mention the extraordinary perk of having Josh Groban pop in for a surprise visit. Being Oprah’s “bestie” is quite a gig.
But after twenty-five years of “Gayle this” and Gayle that” we are left feeling that when it comes to friendship it’s Oprah who is truly the lucky one.
Attracting the loyal and loving best friend we want to have in our lives starts with being the loyal and loving best friend we know we can be.
•
Someone once gave me a pillow embroidered with the words, “You can’t make new old friends.” It’s easy for me to consider new people I’ve met as the dearest of friends—sometimes I feel so warmed and welcomed in their presence it’s as if I’ve known them forever. My mother used to describe herself as a “people person” and the apple hasn’t fallen far from that tree. Still there is something special about an old friend, especially a friend of over sixty years.
I met Michele in pre-school. Our parents knew each other. Phoenix is a big city with a small-town atmosphere and growing up there in the 1950’s and 60’s was quite an adventure. Michele and I share memories of hatching eggs in kindergarten and taking our baby chicks home, getting teased about our sizes in elementary school, attending Junior Cotillion. In school photos I’m always in the back row with the boys and little gap-toothed Michele is always in the front row. She was called “Twig” long before Twiggy came along.