It Starts with Me
The
First 6 Testaments of the
Temple
of
the
Circus Monkey
By
Angus McIntosh
Archbishop of the
Temple of the Circus Monkey
All illustrations by Amanda McIntosh
It Starts with Me, Volumes 1-6 of the Testaments is published by the
Temple of the Circus Monkey.
Smashwords Edition
All opinions are those of the Author,
Archbishop Angus McIntosh.
All rights reserved.
Permission inquiries Angus@kwchop.org
The year 2011 of the Common Era
California, USA, Earth
~ † • † ~
This book is dedicated to my heroes
Hunter S Thompson and Indian Larry.
Freedom personified.
~ † • † ~
Table
of Contents
Introduction
Reader’s Guide
1- Enough
Already
2- Just Say Sometimes
3- Get Off Your Ass
4- Inner
Workout Fu
5- Self Defense 101
6- The Badass Cane
~ † • † ~
ENTER
AT YOUR
OWN RISK
~ † • † ~
WELCOME TO THE FUTURE
So you say you want a revolution? You say you aren’t quite living the life you imagined while daydreaming in high school. You say the country seems to be going to hell in a rocket sled on rails. And didn’t you used to be cooler than this? Well, maybe it’s time to stop yer bitchen and do something about it.
I have news for you. Life isn’t going to give you a do-over and none of us are getting any younger. The government is bloated and broken. Your church is corrupt and mean. Our social institutions are being used to prop up a system that has long ago given up ideas like freedom, justice and kindness. And more importantly you aren’t having much fun. But where do you start when everything seems so fucked up? I’m so glad you asked.
Start here. Start with yourself. Find your own strength and your own freedom. Rediscover your capacity for faith. Learn to control your ego and enjoy your appetites. Remember how to have fun and be a little naughty. Find your inner monk and your outer warrior. In short, accept responsibility for yourself and your situation. After all, you deserve all of this and more. You’ve just forgotten or been lied to so many times that the truth is unrecognizable.
This mighty tome contains the complete texts of the first six volumes of the Temple of the Circus Monkey. They include all the skills you’ll need to create change in your life, get control of your body and its appetites, and protect yourself. If you want to change the world you better be able to change yourself first.
Life is pretty simple. Provide for your basic needs. Choose Joy and Beauty over Fear and Bullshit. Have fun, find God, and be a little kinder. Freedom is better. The only hard part is convincing both your ego and the Man’s lying squirrels to leave you alone.
Look, I know I’m no rocket scientist but I know some things. I know how to have fun. I know how to be quiet and listen to the universe. I know that you need to control your body if you want to get a handle on your ego. I know that you make better decisions when your soul is lined up with your head and I know the practices that accomplish that exact task. I know that change happens through practice, patience, and courage. And I know that much of the world is not on your side if you choose to be free and unique. Read these books and maybe you’ll know it too. And if enough people know these things, we’ll have our revolution. Vaya con Dios and Viva la Revolucion.
~ † • † ~
A READER’S GUIDE
Before you enter into my world there are a few things I think we should get straight. First of all, I’m an adult and I use colorful language. By that I mean words like “fuck.” If you’re offended by adult language please go find something written for children. I also tend to write in a stream of consciousness style that can take some getting used to. I’m sure you’ll work it out.
Since you’re reading this I assume that you’re serious about taking control of your life. I want to make it perfectly clear that I DON’T CARE what you decide to do. I only care that you get to make the choice yourself and take responsibility for the ramifications. Most likely you’ll find different answers than I did. Good for you. Find your own joy and fun.
I expect that most readers will ignore some parts of each book. That’s cool. If you already have a strong personal philosophy or religion you should feel free to discard mine. The skills I’ve presented will work just as well for you anyway. Use what you can and ignore the rest. My ego won’t be offended.
Readers will quickly discover that I tend to ignore the social taboos against discussing things like spirituality and sex. It’s disconcerting to some people that I talk openly about faith and God. Sorry, but they’re a big part of life whether you talk about them or not. Before you start I want to make my own views perfectly clear. I doubt that there’s a big anthropomorphic god. I think there is some universal spirit or energy that informs our lives and if you want to call it god, go right ahead. I’m not necessarily anti-religion; I just think they are institutions of man, not god. The Bible is a great resource, but it was written by people, not divine beings. And people are flawed. Always.
Regardless of religion I believe in Joy and fun, beauty and love, compassion and kindness. We are all free, but only the strong willed can exercise that freedom in a world full of bitter squirrels and demons. These books are the method I use to center myself, feel good, and find joy. I hope the ideas in them help you too. Just remember, as Shakespeare said, “There are more things on heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”
~ † • † • † • †• † ~
Book One
Enough Already
~ † • † ~
This book is dedicated to Sharon.
Enough said
~ † • † ~
Table of Contents
1- That
3:00 AM Question
2- Can You Spare Some Change?
3- Becoming a
Warrior Monk
4- Love and Fear
5- Freedom Power and Choice
6-
Creating Sacred Space
7- Your Body as The Way
8- What to
Pack
9- Discipline and Dedication
10- Shit to Leave Behind
11-
Yes, The World is Fucked
12- Yes, It’s Working Against You
13-
The Tortoise and the Hare
~ † • † ~
CHAPTER ONE
THAT 3:00 AM QUESTION
Are we there yet? Huh, huh, are we? You remember that question, don’t you? Riding in the back of the family car, anxious as hell to get somewhere exciting. Growing up was full of that kind of impatience. I can’t wait for high school. It’ll be so cool when I can finally drive. Life will be perfect when I get a girlfriend. When I have a job it’ll be great 'cause I’ll have my OWN money. Being an adult and able to do whatever I want will be so cool. Well, is it? Are you there yet? I didn’t think so.
Now don’t get all defensive on me. I know, you’ve been busy. Besides, you’re still here, and that’s nothing to be sneezed at. I mean, hey, congratulations, you’re a survivor. Of all the zillions of organisms in the history of this planet, you’ve survived. In fact you’re the heir to thousands of generations of survivors and you carry their traits with you. The ability to store fat saved your ancestors in lean times and allowed them to live long enough to raise new generations. Their cleverness, cunning, and drive to succeed are the basic building blocks for everything you do today. And I know survival is still a full time job. Providing for your basic needs, raising a family, and getting shit done probably fills up all of your day and then some.
This is an accomplishment, and you SHOULD take pride in it. But, late at night, when things are quiet and you can’t sleep, that little voice in your head whispers that there might be more. Is this it? Am I really happy? Where did the time go? No matter how good you are at surviving, no matter how well you provide for your needs, that late night doubt still comes creeping in. This book, and the Temple of the Circus Monkey, is for that little voice. Because it’s probably right. You aren’t there yet.
Survival is good. Clearly better than the alternative. But lots of animals and organisms can survive. There are simple lichen colonies that live for hundreds of years. Giant tortoises live as long as we do. They’re very good at plodding along, getting enough to eat and pulling their head in when it rains. Survival is defined as meeting all the basic goals necessary to continue your existence through time. It includes all the things you learned in elementary school: food, shelter, warmth, water, air. It also probably includes a few more things that are a little subtler: human contact, a sense of purpose, and a bit of acknowledgment. But is that really enough?
All kinds of idiots manage to survive. Snails survive. The guests on Jerry Springer survive. There has to be a little more to life than that, doesn’t there? Of course there is. You don’t have to settle for just surviving. That annoying little voice knows you could be thriving. And it is NEVER too late to start over.
So where exactly did the train go off the tracks? Why isn’t the world full of cowboys, pirates, ballet dancers, race car drivers, super heroes, and pony wranglers? Why doesn’t everyone still do art and gym? Walk into any kindergarten and ask around. Those are the cool choices. Nobody wants to be a middle manager. No one dreams of a cubicle and a computer screen. What the hell happened? You grew up, and up turned out to be the WRONG FUCKING DIRECTION.
Young human beings grow and that means getting taller and more responsible. The Man (more on Him later) likes things neat and orderly and he likes that order to be vertical. A clear line of AUTHORITY so that we all know exactly who’s in charge. Castes, social or economic classes, ranks and office manager flow charts. It starts in school where the “grown ups” tell you if you can talk, what to think, and when to pee. As you “grow up” towards them you get more SENIORITY and upon graduation you’re called a “grown up” too. Now it’s time to stop growing, get a job and move UP the corporate ladder. Put aside those CHILDISH small things like dreams and hopes and piracy. Well I say “fuck you and everybody that looks like you”.
Limiting growth to children is a terrible lie and tying that growth to verticality is even worse. Growing up takes absolutely no skill or discipline. The average shrub does it perfectly well. How about growing down, more rooted with a deeper base? How about out, more connected to the world around you? How about in, with more understanding of your psyche or spirituality? How about wildly all over the place, letting your joy run amok like a puppy on caffeine? Wouldn’t that be more fulfilling, a greater accomplishment, and a hell of a lot more fun?
Life is growth but you stopped because ‘growing up’ seemed to be the only choice. I haven’t noticed the grown ups doing a particularly good job at running the world. Most of the fucked up kids I’ve worked with were abused by grown ups. The government and corporations are run by grown ups. Wars are always started and perpetuated by grown ups. Society is clearly just as fucked up and unfulfilled as we are.
Now those 3:00 AM questions have been joined by a few at 6:00 PM when we watch the news. How, exactly, did this entire country mange to jump the shark? How did the “Land of the Free” turn into the land of the coddled and helmeted? Where did our prosperity go? Didn’t we used to make stuff? Have we always been so divided and cranky? Didn’t we used to be cooler? You know, like on Mad Men?
At the Temple of the Circus Monkey we choose to be growing downs or growing ins or growing outs instead. I believe that by growing again, in other directions, we can start to thrive. And by individually thriving we can start a revolution that will remake the country along kinder and freer lines. So the next time you’re screwing around and someone tells you to “just grow up” tell them, “Fuck off, it’s against my religion.” It’s time for a cowboy pirate revolution. And that’s going to mean a lot of change...
~ † • † ~
CHAPTER 2
CAN YOU SPARE SOME CHANGE?
We all know that change is inevitable. The fact that nothing stays the same is the most obvious cliché. However, change isn’t some random force. It has direction and purpose. That direction can be determined by you or you can continue to allow it to be determined by the “grown ups” who run the world and/or your own demons. The choice is yours.
As I look around I see a lot of unhappy people who need to change their fate. I know change is hard, but if you were thrilled with your life you probably wouldn’t be reading this book. What do you have to lose? What you’re doing now isn’t working that damn well. If you try and fail you’ll just be miserable, and you can already do that.
We all have a destiny. It isn’t mystical or religious. It’s a predictable path based on a number of factors: genetics, national origin, socioeconomic class, intelligence, opportunity, expectations, family support, etc. You were born in a certain place and time with a dominant religion, social dynamic, and specific laws and traditions. Your family had a specific style with varying degrees of abuse and support. All these factors come together to determine what you believe about the world, what you do for a living, who you marry, and how you spend your time.
Your fate is largely determined by a conglomeration of nature and nurture tempered by your experience. A lot of people are surprised to look up and find themselves to be middle-aged and maybe not too much different than their parents were. They find themselves in a job that they never would have accepted when they were younger and more idealistic or married to someone that fulfills a role rather than fires their heart. They succumbed to their destiny.
Most everyone you know is probably trapped by their destiny. You probably are too, but you don’t have to be. You can make OTHER choices. And no, it isn’t too late. Look at your life. Do you ever say something like, “That would be cool but I could never...” Well, you’re wrong. You’re just choosing destiny. How many things have you done because they were expected? How often did your actions please someone besides yourself? What are your unconscious assumptions about life and how can you discover more of them? Is your life a reflection of your true nature? And how can this knowledge change what you do now?
This process of self examination and making the OTHER choice takes tremendous courage. My dad wanted to be a revolutionary and go fight by the side Che. He couldn’t quite do it. Instead he married my mother and entered the corporate world. She kept him in line and made sure he did all the expected things. They were both outwardly successful, inwardly miserable, and fairly abusive because of their fear, insecurity, and desperate unhappiness. Being his son, I faced most of the same choices. I did well enough in school, got engaged to somebody who would keep me out of trouble, and made the kinds of choices expected of me. I liked my wife a lot, but I didn’t love her and I’m really sorry about that. The problem was that I hated my destiny.
Maybe I was lucky. Maybe I’m just too ornery. Maybe the specific kinds of abuse in my past set me free in some odd ways. Whatever the reason, I didn’t settle. I went to work on myself and my courage: Martial Arts training, Zen study and meditation, some therapy, a lot of soul searching. You can probably guess the routine. I had to abandoned things I thought were true, both about myself and the world at large. I had to leave “safe” behind. I had to hurt somebody I cared about. It was scary as hell, but I did it anyway. I made the OTHER choice, said “fuck my destiny” and changed my life. I’m still working on it and it’s still hard. But there’s very little of my current life that resembles the lives of my family or really anyone else but me. And I like my life. A lot.
I don’t want to sugar coat this. Sometimes you fail and lose it all. But wouldn’t it be better to fail in your own life than to succeed in some random destiny? Find out who you are, develop your courage, and be brave enough to risk everything when you get the chance. And if you fail, you’ll just be back where you started.
Speaking of success and failure, always remember that success is much harder and scarier than failure. Failure allows you to remain the same and be comfortable. Success carries with it responsibility and power, while failure allows you to stay as you are because success means that you’ll change. Change is usually accompanied by fear and anxiety because it’s unpredictable and can bring new responsibilities with it. Nonetheless, success is still worth it and failure is not.
Confidence breeds confidence. Every day that you’re successful gives you more confidence to face the next one, and every change you make in your life gives you more skills to bring to the next challenge. It’s perfectly normal to be scared or excited. Just remember that courage doesn’t mean the absence of fear. It means deciding that something else is more important.
There is no shortage of people who’d like to tell you what to change and how to change it. The media, advertisers, religious leaders, politicians, parents, friends, and coworkers all have an opinion on how you should live your life and what you should find important. Many of them may be well meaning, while others are clearly not. My advice is to try to ignore them all. After all, they’re part of the destiny you’re trying to change. They may well be part of your future, but by choice, not by chance.
We’re all individuals, and only you truly know what direction your life should take. I’ve tried really fucking hard to leave my agendas out of this book. I don’t care what changes you want to make, only that they are made with your own free will. By helping you make conscious decisions about your body and your fate I hope to show you that you have freedom, power, and choice to craft your own life in your own image.
One of the questions that almost all clients ask is “How long will this take?” I always give the same answer. The rest of your life or until you decide to stop. How long does it take to master a musical instrument? This process is your life. Who can say how long that will take?
When you decide to take the path of change there are only two time frames that matter: today and ten years from now. Today is important because you should always be asking yourself “Did I do everything I could for myself today?” Ten years from now is important because you should also ask “Will I still be committed to this ten years from now?” No other time frame matters. So, can you spare some change? Good.
~ † • † ~
CHAPTER 3
BECOMING A WARRIOR MONK
There’s an African proverb that goes, “You are more than the sum of your stories.” You have a thousand public stories about yourself: your history, profession, interests, history, and relationships. There are even more stories you just tell yourself: your hopes, fears, prejudices, beliefs, doubts, and aspirations. Before we begin to talk about affecting change in your life, it’s important to remember that if we were to add up all the stories, public and private, that make up our lives they would still not define us. There is more to us as human beings than just the total of all our thoughts, memories and roles. It’s pretty damn easy to lose that perspective when you’re trying to create change. Whatever specific issue that you’re addressing begins to loom over the rest of your life and makes you forget that all the other parts that are just fine.
* In Aikido, a martial art based on self-improvement, good practitioners use a grab as a metaphor. When somebody grabs your wrist with a lot of strength, it can feel like you’re pinned to the floor. Objectively the grabber only controls about three or four inches of your wrist leaving ninety-eight percent of your body completely free to move. The stupid grab is so seductive that we abandon all the free areas of our body, the room, and the universe itself by becoming obsessed with the little teeny portion that is “under attack.” But with practice and patience you can learn to remember the free majority and regain the proper perspective.
* Let’s face it, in order to make changes you want you’re going to have to be in the grip of some pretty strong metaphorical grabs. There WILL be times when the problem seems bigger than you are, and you’ll want to give in to feeling overwhelmed. When this happens, try to remember the proverb. You have lots of other stories besides the one you’re working on and you’re more than the total of all of them.
* So what is that thing that’s more than the sum of your stories? I like to call it the Warrior Monk. And since this is my book, you’ll have to call it that too, at least while you’re reading it. Anyway, you’re probably wondering who, what, when, where, why, and how is a Warrior Monk? Let’s take those questions one at a time...
Who - Anyone can be a Warrior Monk. I am a Warrior Monk. Perhaps after reading the first six Testaments of The Temple of the Circus Monkey, you’ll be a Warrior Monk too. Or perhaps you already are.
What - We all have warriors in our past. Somewhere in your DNA or your cultural memory is an ornery, independent son of a bitch that was willing to fight for their ideals. You might note that I said warrior, not soldier. They aren’t the same thing. A warrior might join an army, but it’ll be for his own reasons, not to fight for some political entity.
I’m Scottish, Norwegian, and Irish. Among my ancestors are marauding Vikings and crazy kilted fuckers who scared the Romans to death. In your past might be Samurai or Indian braves. Persian soldiers or Spartans. Mongols or Huns or musketeers. Cowboys riding the range or Zulu hunters roaming the Savannah. Chivalrous knights or marauding pirates. Whatever it is, go find it in yourself. These warriors possessed the exact set of skills that we need today: perseverance, courage, and individual responsibility. They determined what was worth fighting for and trained to conquer anyone who got in the way. More often than not they were committed to ideals of honor, beauty and self control. That will get us half way there.
The other half we find in the monk. The recluse who renounces the outside world in order to get in touch with something larger. He sought to quiet his ego through discipline and focus.
Both the warrior and the monk share a similar strength; the ability to match their intentions with their actions. They don’t just talk about shit, they do it. This high correlation between thought and action gives them both a unique integrity. By combining these two opposites we can face any change and find our true path.
When and Where - Every day and in every situation. There is no excuse to ever stop being who you are. Ever. And yes, I realize that warriors killed people and were frequently outlaws. I’m not telling you to do that. But I’m also not shying away from the fact that humans are violent little fuckers. Just because I believe in self examination and transcendence doesn’t mean I’m a hippie. Sometimes you have to whoop a man’s ass.
Why - A Warrior Monk is the yin and yang of human existence. He (or she, but I’ll just use the male pronoun for convenience) embodies all the best that is human. He transcends categories and definitions. His words exactly match his actions. He strives to exhibit the qualities of compassion, beauty, center, and joy. He is free in a way that scares the fuck out of sheep people. He faces every day with courage, remembering that the “courage” literally means strength of heart. He knows he isn’t good enough yet, and he’s working on it. He is absolutely himself at all times and he doesn’t care what you think.
Our society has become obsessed with doing rather than being. We’re concerned with what people “do” rather than who they “are.” Warriors and monks fully inhabit who they are, regardless of what they do. The highest quality people I’ve ever met can’t provide a good answer when asked “What do you do?” The only true answer would be what they are.
How - Start by reading my books. That’s what they’re here for. You can also find some good teachers to pick up better skills. But heed this warning: don’t become too enamored with any one teacher. Don’t get me wrong, teachers are important and I’ve had some great ones. They can really help you along your path because they’re further along in that area. But follow them for a short time because ultimately you need to go your OWN way. The most profound teachers are called messiahs. The same rules apply to them. The following is paraphrased from “Illusions” by Richard Bach...
Once there was a group of creatures that lived at the bottom of a deep and powerful river. They survived by clinging to rocks and catching little pieces of food that floated by. Their life was defined by resisting the current. One of the creatures thought there must be more to life than clinging and grabbing at food. He decided to let go and see what happened if he just went with the current. The other creatures thought he was crazy and called him a fool. They said that the current would surely kill him, and even if it didn’t he wouldn’t be able to catch enough food. Nonetheless, one day he said his goodbyes and let go. Initially the current bounced him into rocks and bruised him up. But he refused to cling again and eventually the current lifted him off the bottom and into the stream. There was plenty of rich food and he knew joy and beauty as it carried him through the world. Occasionally he would see other groups clinging to the bottom as he passed and he decided to drop down and tell them what he had discovered. When they saw him they thought it was a miracle. A creature like them who could live without clinging and ride the current. When he tried to explain that they could do it too, they only cried “Messiah” and clung all the harder. Disgusted, he launched himself back into the current, leaving them to pass down stories of the savior who had visited them. Don’t be one of them. Be the Messiah instead.
Besides all of that, the warrior monk needs to die. Not literally, of course. That time will come soon enough for us all. Metaphorically, every time you change yourself fundamentally an old part of you dies. Becoming comfortable with that death makes the process a lot easier. The ancient Samurai of Japan assumed every day they woke up would be their last one. It’s a profound and useful practice that can really help you keep shit in perspective. And besides, one day you’re bound to be right.
The warrior monk understands the process of mastery. It starts in the head with a decision. It continues in the heart with love and dedication and the repetition of ten thousand hours of practice. It settles in the belly with a new, more powerful way of life.
The warrior monk finds teachers who can impart basic principles but eventually makes whatever they pursue uniquely their own. And they understand the first choice is always between love and fear.
~ † • † ~
CHAPTER 4
LOVE AND FEAR
Although it might not mean anything to anybody else, I have my own philosophy of life. I believe that human beings are only motivated by two things: love and fear. Every positive thing you do is motivated by love. We face the decision between these two motivations every day. Love is always the right choice and fear is always wrong. Unfortunately we don’t choose love very often, we just default to fear or let others direct our actions. Love is hard. It requires effort, risk, and responsibility. Love involves change. Fear is easy. It means staying where you are, protecting yourself, and is easily justified. Beware.
Goldilocks knows this philosophy isn’t for everybody. A lot of Papa Bears will think it’s too simple. They’ll know a whole lot about some subject and criticize me as being too superficial. There’ll be a lot of Mama Bears who think it’s too complicated. It talks about so many things and asks the readers for so much responsibility. Well, I don’t write for either of these groups. I write for people who think it’s just about right. In fact, the whole damn point is to find that place in your life that’s just about right, not too hard and not too easy.
Sometimes in life there is an interesting phenomenon. We make a series of small decisions that all seem to be correct. Then we look back and it turns out they led to a big mistake. How can it be that a hundred small good decisions could lead you to a big mistake? It happens because those decisions were made out of fear. Fear is insidious and powerful because it always sounds so fucking reasonable.
The Man has a place in this philosophy, too. The Man always wants you to choose fear. He’s scares and manipulates you for His own gain. He’s scared all the time and He want you to be scared too. Piss off The Man. Spit in the face fear. (We’ll get to a full explanation of the Man in later chapters.)
Everyone thinks they know what love is: compassion, empathy, kindness, a nonjudgmental state of caring. And that’s true enough, but it isn’t the whole story. Love is also Joy. It’s having fun and thrilling your soul. Love is choosing beauty and originality over the banal. Love is passion and fierce devotion to a lost cause. Love is speed and danger and a little bit silly. Love is irresponsible and daring and always willing to change. Love doesn’t erase fear; it just doesn’t choose it. Because love knows everything else is more important.
So what is fear? Fear is security and “good decisions.” Fear is plodding and predictable. Fear doesn’t find a new job because the one you hate is so stable. Fear saves for a rainy day, but it’s never quite rainy enough. Fear is insidious and persistent. Fear loves it when you’re tired and stressed. And Fear will fuck up your life.
If you want to bring positive change into your life you must be on the lookout for three particularly subtle and destructive kinds of fear: looking silly, being different, and cynicism. We’ve all succumbed to them at some point. Learn to detect and eject them or settle in for a rather disappointing existence.
The fear of looking silly - I have bad news for you. During the process of change you’re going to look stupid. And if you’re successful, you might look even dumber because you won’t be doing stuff that other people understand. If you can’t tolerate looking the fool you’re stuck where you are.
One of the most profound lessons in life is that it really doesn’t matter. Those that look the silliest are those that learn the most. And those that are doing the laughing are always the ones left behind.
This principle is obvious in martial arts schools. Black belts almost never learn anything new. A new student is perfectly willing to fall down or make dumb mistakes. A black belt has a reputation to defend and an image to uphold so they stop learning.
The process of change will humble you, and that’s GOOD. We all take ourselves way the hell too seriously. Be a clown. Enjoy being a fool, 'cause the fool learns and changes and grows. And when someone makes fun of you, and they will, laugh right along. Because you know your life is better than theirs. Idiots.
The following is a true story. Use it for inspiration. On June 6th, 1944 the Allied Forces landed at Normandy as they started to retake Europe from the Nazi’s. Among the first groups on the beach was the 1st Special Service Brigade under the command of Lord Lovat. Lord Lovat was a Scot, and Scottish tradition held that bagpipes led the way into battle. The War Office in London forbade this practice, but Scots don’t take tradition lightly. Lord Lovat had a friend in his unit, another Scot named Bill Millin, and together they conspired to keep the tradition alive.
When the unit hit the sand at Sword Beach one man was unarmed in any modern way: no guns, no mortars. Just Bill Millin in a kilt carrying a set of pipes. Lord Lovat, wearing a monogrammed white pullover and carrying an ancient family Winchester rifle, strode up the beach and ordered “Give us a tune, piper,” as the man next top Millin went down with a bullet to the face. Millin considered him a mad bastard, but figured he might die anyway so what the hell. He struck up “Highland Laddie” and started to March up and down the length of the beach. He remembers the sand shaking under the mortar fire and the bodies rolling against his legs as played. He piped the troops along the road by the Caen canal and down the streets of Benouville, refusing orders to run because pipers walk. He serenaded Ally Forces across two bridges until a piece of shrapnel finally hit the chanter and left the pipes in pieces.
Those pipes are currently resting in the museum at Pegasus Bridge. And that, my friends, is a real man. Are you brave enough to be that stupid? I hope so.
The fear of being different - Perhaps the most profound mission of your life is to find out who you are. Not who you are now, but who you are truly meant to be. Your “true nature,” as the Buddhists say. There are lots of ways to do this and all of them require really hard work. But besides the hard work it also means that you’re probably going to be different than the people around you. Hell, just looking for the truth makes you different than the rest of the suburban sheep.
You’re an individual. Sure, some of your stories match the stories of those around you, but many of them don’t. If you catch glimpses of your true nature you might see something that doesn’t exactly “fit in.” You might wear different clothes, make your living in an unorthodox way, have a different kind of sex, or hang out with socially questionable characters. I have a lot of tattoos, a blue Mohawk, and I wear kilts. You wouldn’t believe how many people give me grief. Embracing your individuality will make you happier. It will also make you stick out. You’re going to have to learn to deal with scorn and small minded sheeple. It’s just part of the deal.
I have one other warning for you: beware the orthodoxy. When you find out who you are, it won’t be like anyone else. It will be unique. Sometimes even the best teachers and therapists will try to mold you into another version of themselves and that’s just another form of fear. Take their teachings, include their insights, and find your own path. If you find that you’re a Christian, then be a Christian on your terms, not the Pope’s or some TV preacher’s. Whatever you find is okay but be brave enough to manifest it in your own way.
I’ve had some interesting experiences with this. I’ve studied a number of martial arts and quite a few religions. I’m pretty well versed in the human consciousness movement and have had some pretty famous teachers. There’s an expectation that you will develop in a certain way. Why does everyone in these movements find out that they’re a hippy vegan pacifist? After 20+ years I found out I like rum, cigars, and bacon. I like Coca-Cola and can’t stand tea, the universal enlightened drink. I like motorcycles and guns, as well as peace and Zen-like calm. I found that I’m complicated and full of contradictions, not openhearted and accepting. My true self is kind of obnoxious. And that’s okay.
We all recognize greatness. Musical, artistic, physical, etc. And we all want to pursue it. When someone is great they inspire us but there's a problem; in order to pursue a transcendent experience we need a certain skill set. And in order to acquire that skill set we have to accept a series of forms. These forms are a necessary learning tool but they also represent a huge trap. We can easily become wedded to the form and unable to shed it, and that means we lose sight of our original goal. We end up choosing the form over the transcendence. This is just another way to fear being different.
The world is full of teachers who have failed to do this. In fact, a teacher who has transcended form is not a good teacher. A good teacher is committed to form in order to teach it well. But a good teacher must be abandoned in order to achieve greatness. This takes great courage and inner strength and I wish you luck.
Cynicism - Besides looking silly or different we need to be constantly vigilant in order to avoid cynicism. To be cynical is to choose fear and the ultimate excuse to avoid change. “What the hell, it doesn’t matter anyway.” “What difference can you make?” “Nothing ever changes.” Bullshit. Fuck you and everybody that looks like you. It does matter. You can make a difference. Things and people DO change. Believe it or just curl up and die 'cause life won’t be worth living. There’s a great old Jewish proverb I’m going to tell here. It’s corny. It’s also a damn good lesson...
A little girl is walking down the beach at low tide, picking up the starfish that have been stranded and throwing them back into the sea. Three old Rabbis see the little girl and ask her what she’s doing. She replies “Saving the starfish!” The three wise men laugh and decide to educate her. “You can’t save the starfish,” they say. “There are tens of thousands of miles of coastline and thousands of beaches. There are millions of starfish washing up at every low tide. What possible difference can you make?” As the little girl starts to cry, thinking about all those dying starfish, the Rabbi’s finish their lesson. “See little girl, the problem is so big that nothing you can do will matter.” The little girl sniffles as she looks down at the starfish in her hand. She thinks about it for a minute, and a big smile takes over her face. “Well,” she replies, as she gives the starfish a mighty toss and continues down the beach, “It matters to this one.” Go find a starfish. And fuck the wise old cynics who tell you it doesn’t matter. They’re too scared to give a shit...
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CHAPTER 5
FREEDOM POWER AND CHOICE
Talk of Freedom is ubiquitous these days but most of the people doing the talking haven’t the slightest fucking idea what it means. Soldiers won’t give you Freedom. Security perhaps, but not Freedom. The Bill of Rights and the ACLU won’t give you Freedom, they give you civil rights, or not, as is the case currently. Governments and religions can’t grant freedom and can't guarantee it. They can only fuck it up.
Freedom is the absolute authority over yourself and your actions. It means that right now you and you alone possess the control over what you do, how you feel, and what you think. Freedom is radical and subversive and carries with it a heavy sense of responsibility. If you cannot say, “This is my fault,” you will not be free. If you cannot say, “Fuck you, I’ll do it myself” and mean it, you will not be free. If you cannot say, “I don’t need this,” you will not be free.
Freedom, contrary to popular belief, is not unlimited. The universe has rules. I’m not free to fly even I think I am. If I jump off the roof, I’ll discover that the hard way. A great Zen teacher once gave a lecture on Freedom, explaining to all the young monks that they were truly Free. The next day he came upon two of them pissing in the middle of the garden. As he beat the living crap out of them with his cane, they complained that he had said that they were free to do as they pleased. He explained that this was true, but they still couldn’t piss in the garden. If you don’t understand this paradox you are too immature to be Free.
A mature adult understands that two things that appear to be contradictory can still both be true. Children have very literal minds so this concept makes no sense to them. It is possible to be a pacifist and admire the military. One can love animals and really enjoy a good steak. If this is too complicated for you, come back when you can handle it. Because the world is not a simple place.
A Free man is a threat and is likely to be despised. (I’m still using man as shorthand. Freedom knows no gender.) The government discourages Freedom at every turn. Therefore, the Free man must ignore the government as much as he can. He must understand that some of his choices will be “illegal” and some of his actions will be considered “criminal.” Because he is free, he accepts these risks and is willing to pay the penalties incurred. They are taxes the government levies on Freedom.
Religion discourages Freedom even though I think God rather likes it. It seems like God wouldn’t grant us this incredible gift without expecting it to be used. I am a registered Reverend, and as such I preach the Word. And the Word is Freedom. Are you brave enough to be free?
The passage of time and the necessary compromises you’ve made in your life have caused an erosion of your freedom and power. You have the power to create positive change in your life. You’ve had it all the time. I’m just here to remind you of what you already know. You are truly free and can take your life in any direction you wish. You can make good choices that enrich your body and your spirit. These are your birthright and the most important message in this book is to help you remember how to use them.
Power is another misunderstood concept. It’s too often used to connote control over other people or the environment around us. Anyone who’s ever been in a relationship knows it’s very difficult to control other people, and our control over the environment is spotty at best. For our purposes, we’re going to define power as the ability to control yourself and all of your own actions. This kind of power is much less transitory and goes hand in hand with freedom.
Even though this power can’t be taken from you, it can be ceded to another. Every time that you don’t make a decision for yourself you allow someone or something else to make it for you. In this culture power is ceded to the media, advertising, poor self-image, a guru, science, religion, or even the newest diet book. Fortunately, even power that has been given to something else is always available to be reclaimed whenever you choose to take it back.
To reclaim your power you need to be aware of, and accept responsibility for, all the decisions you make during the course of a day. This power is only limited by your ability to take it, and the more you use it, the more it’ll grow. The combination of your absolute freedom and complete power over yourself is a lifelong pursuit.
Both freedom and power are philosophical ideas and not practical tools. They’re important to understand but the ideas themselves won’t help you create change. When these two concepts are combined, they become much more practical. They create choice. Choice is a practical everyday skill that has a profound effect on your life. The Temple exists to help you reclaim your ability to make interesting choices by helping you become aware of your own power and freedom to make those decisions. If you acknowledge your personal freedom and power then everything you do is a choice.
“Yet if he should give up what he has begun, and agree to make us or our kingdom subject to the King of England or the English, we should exert ourselves at once to drive him out as our enemy and a subverter of his own rights and ours, and make some other man who was well able to defend us our King; for, as long as but a hundred of us remain alive, never will we on any conditions be brought under English rule. It is in truth not for glory, nor riches, nor honors that we are fighting, but for freedom — for that alone, which no honest man gives up but with life itself.” THE DECLARATION OF ARBROATH. Amen. So where do you start?
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CHAPTER 6
CREATING SACRED SPACE
Freedom is scary. Hell, for that matter the world is scary. It’s full of parasites, sharks, diseases, natural disasters, dumb bad luck, and that’s just your neighbors. Life is full of random events and forces we can’t even begin to understand. Shit happens and mean people suck, or so bumper stickers tell me.
In order to gain some measure of freedom you’re going to have to come to terms with all this scary shit. And what’s more you’re going have to resist the temptation to settle for something lesser. In order to be successful you’re going to need a good starting place, a refuge, a touchstone of sanity. You’re going to need a sacred space and some rituals.
Once again let me reiterate that I don’t care what kind of god you choose to worship. Even if you’re a stone cold atheist you can still have a sacred space and some rituals. Their value isn’t in making you more religious. Their value is in giving you comfort and respite from the turbulent hell that is other people’s lives.
Let’s start out with the practicalities. If you’re going to get control of yourself and your life you’re going to need a space to do it in. If you’re lucky you might have an entire room but more likely you’ll get a small corner and a patch of floor. That’s cool. Go look around your house and figure out where you can work out. The space needs to be big enough to move around freely in without knocking over the lamp. You might need to move that coffee table.
Did you find a spot? Good. Now near that area you need to create your sacred space. A small table or shelf will work. Now fill it with things that you find sacred. Anything is cool as long as it holds personal meaning and helps you feel good about yourself. Here are a few suggestions to get you started, but don’t limit yourself.
Music. My sacred space has a stereo in it. I ALWAYS work out and meditate to music. And I like it LOUD.
Incense. Nearly every religion uses it for a reason. It smells good and frequently exercise and meditation don’t. I’ve long believed that Taoist monks burned incense because Tai Chi makes you fart.
Candles. Light is the universal symbol for hope and knowledge. Those are good things.
Religious symbols. Kind of self explanatory, but be sure to expand your horizons. You can put a Buddha or Shiva up even if you’re Christian. I won’t tell.
Pictures of loved ones. Not my thing, but if they motivate you, go right ahead.
Art work. Art inspires. Small sculptures, paintings or photographs can carry great meaning.
Bits of nature. Lots of altars include things like feathers, stones, sea shells, leaves or other natural artifacts. Who knows, maybe totems work. There’s no harm in trying.
Mirrors and lights. Well, by this time you probably have the idea. Now that you have a sacred space set aside you need to develop some personal rituals.
Every time you start to work out or meditate or even just think about stuff you should include a couple minutes of personal ritual. Do some bows. Say a little prayer. Light your candles and incense. Burn sage. Play a favorite song. Jump up and down while whistling Dixie. I don’t care. What you do doesn’t matter, just do it. Over time the repetition will become both calming and inspiring.
I know what you’re thinking and you need to shut up. Yes, you might feel silly and I just don’t care. Look, you’re going to need some comfort and refuge. All us humans do. And if you get it you’re much more likely to be successful in manifesting your true self. The best way to find that quiet, safe space without falling prey to other people’s idiocy is to create it for yourself. So put your stupid self judgment aside and just do it.
It’s fascinating to me that in a country supposedly full of religious people there are so few personal sacred spaces and rituals. We’re so fucking uncomfortable with public displays of spiritual Joy. We mock Moslems because they pray all the time. We never discuss spirituality or allow it in our homes. What hypocrites. I don’t follow any religion and perhaps that’s why I feel freer to express spirituality.
Sacred space and personal rituals help. They provide a touchstone that reminds you what you’re trying to achieve and why it’s important regardless of your goals. So go create your mini temple and let’s get started already...
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CHAPTER 7
YOUR BODY AS THE WAY
There are many ways to attempt change. You can approach it emotionally through therapy or spiritually through discussions with your minister, rabbi, or teacher. You can read books, quit your job, move to another city, or find a new lover. These are all fine and many of them will happen, but I prefer to start addressing change through my body.
* Your body is the one thing you’ve always had and always will. In Western thought, it’s your most prized possession and the carrier of your soul. In Eastern thought, there is no duality; you are your body and your body is you. It doesn’t matter to which philosophy you prescribe, either way your body is pretty damned important.
* Since you’re always going to have your body and all of your intellectual and emotional life resides there, it just makes sense to work with it. If you believe in a soul, the easiest way to get access to it is through your body. There’s a great secondary gain in addressing change through your body; it might increase the quality and quantity of your life. The next 5 books in the Testaments show you how to deal with exercise, appetites, and safety. Go read them.
* The challenge of finding yourself and your destiny isn’t a science but an art. Human beings are really complicated systems, both physiologically and psychologically, so science alone can’t provide the answers you need. Science works best with closed systems. All scientific studies are done with the assumption that everything outside the direct range of the study is identical and doesn’t change over time. This assumption is referred to as “ceterus parabus” which is Latin for “all other things being equal.” Even though good studies use blind and control groups, this assumption is never really true as soon you as introduce humans. We have too many individual differences in their bodies, histories, and thought processes to ever get truly objective data.
Art has a different perspective. Artists of all kinds take a few basic principles and combine them with their own energy and experiences. The result creates something unique, personal, and perhaps even transcendent. A musician plays the scales and a few notes over and over, but can combine them to play Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. Ballet has only a few basic positions, but used by a great dancer they can give rise to exquisite beauty. A painter practices shapes and perspectives, but can portray almost anything with them. Picasso said, “Anyone can take the sun and transform it into a yellow circle, but only an artist can take a yellow circle and transform it into the sun.”
The goal of The Temple of the Circus Monkey is to make you an artist of individuality using your body as your medium. Like any artist, you need to master the basic forms of your art to begin to combine them to create your personal masterpiece. It will be your palette, allowing you to make combinations in an infinite number of ways to create whatever changes you want to manifest in your life. So what do you need to pack for your journey?
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CHAPTER 8
WHAT TO PACK
Practice makes perfect. Yeah, yeah, you’ve heard that before. Who hasn’t? But have you ever really THOUGHT about it? The great teacher George Leonard did. And what he noticed is that we are all ALWAYS PRACTICING SOMETHING. Isn’t it funny how the most profound thoughts turn out to be so obvious in retrospect?
We’re always working on perfecting something and odds are you’re not going to like some of the things you’re perfecting. Do you spend a lot of time worrying? Yelling at your kids? Eating crap and watching sitcoms? Fighting with your spouse? Hating your job? Feeling that the world is unfair to you personally? Congratulations, those are your perfect skills.
Since you’re always practicing something you’d better be on top of your actions if you want to manifest positive change in your life. Over the next three chapters I’m going to outline 12 things that you’re going to need on your journey and 12 things you better leave behind. They’ll make up the basis of your new life practice. Let’s be positive and start with the skills you want to keep...
1- The ability to center yourself - When you’re in a good emotional and physical space, you make good decisions. When you’re cranky and uncomfortable, you make shitty decisions. Duh. This isn’t rocket science. The more time you can spend in a good space, the better your decisions, your actions, and your life are likely to be. This means creating sacred or centering places in your home and learning skills that help you regain that space quickly. Go read “Inner Workout Fu.” If you can’t center yourself, you can’t change.
2- Courage - Nothing happens without courage. Look at the word. “Coeur” is the Latin root for heart, so the word literally means strength of heart. In this culture it sometimes means balls or cojones. Somewhere in you are courage, strength, and maybe even bravery. Go find them or accept being a squirrel all your life. Because change is hard and not for the faint of heart.
3- Faith and Hope - Any physicist will tell you that we live in an entropic universe. Things fall apart and tend towards chaos. Hope and faith are the counterbalancing forces, spurring on life and driving us toward kindness and compassion in the face of a cold dark future. You can't run out of faith or hope, you can only forget how to access what is always all around you. I’m not going to tell you what you should hope for or have faith in. That would be rude and sleazy. Decide for yourself and then don’t give up.
4- Joy - You can’t define joy; you can only point to it and hope they understand. Joy is that moment when your ego, your concerns, your past and future, and everything else petty falls away leaving only you and the present. Riding that big twin Harley down the coast on a warm evening, surrounded by the throaty power of your brother’s bikes. Watching a new lover step out of the shower. The look in a dog’s eyes as they collapse in your lap. I could go on and on, but I won’t. I’ll just say that Joy is that moment when we connect perfectly to the universe and feel the thrill of being alive. If you want a better life, find more things that bring you joy.
5- A sense of humor - We talked earlier about perspective and the need to keep it. One of the easiest ways to go about doing that is humor. The world is funny. Discomfort is funny. Getting stuck or feeling hopeless is funny. The more you can appreciate that simple fact, the easier your life will be.
6- An appreciation for beauty - When you need a little help or a little inspiration go find something beautiful. R. Buckminster Fuller once said that if he found an answer and it wasn’t beautiful he knew it was wrong because the universe tended towards the beautiful. He was right. Put yourself in the presence of something you find beautiful and your life will get easier. Beauty can inspire you right through some rough patches or ego resistance.
For me a particular kind of beauty works the best: music. When I get into a particularly negative space, I can always count on music to give me a shove in the right direction. If I’m hitting resistance or a lazy patch and don’t feel like doing the things that I know will move me forward, the right tunes will kick my ass in gear. I never work out or train without music. I even practice playing music with other music in the background.