A Minute For Me
Learning to Savor Sixty Seconds
by
Megan McDonough
Copyright © 2010 by Megan McDonough. All rights reserved.
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ISBN 978-0-9818720-4-9 (print)
ISBN 978-1-9358740-2-7 (e-book)
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Acknowledgements
Life is so much richer and more rewarding when you have supportive friends and family. I’m blessed to have such wonderful people in my life.
When I write, my mind is focused on what’s being created in front of me. Everything else is a distraction. My husband and two children have put up with my lack of attention when my eyes are glued to the computer monitor. I love you dearly. I appreciate your good humor and understanding when the writing takes center stage. And I love that many of the stories I write start right here at home. Thanks for all the great inspiration.
Writing is not the only task to create this book you hold in your hands. After I’m done (I think) with the writing, someone else takes a gander to see what ghastly mistakes I’ve made. Tresca Weinstein, editor with the eagle eyes, is the gentle soul whose skills always improve my writing. Tresca and I worked together on many writing projects for the Kripalu Yoga Teachers Association. I am so thrilled she could also work with me on this book.
To take the writing out of the virtual computer space and move it into material existence, a midwife—sometimes known as a publisher—is needed. I am, as always, grateful to Julie Murkette, publisher and dear friend. You make life so much easier.
To everyone who read the early version and gave me valuable feedback—Joan Peters, Dedie King, Soleil Hepner, Vandita Kate Marchesiello, Nischala Joy Devi, Elissa Cobb and Karen Hasskarl. I admire you all so much, and continue to be inspired by the work you bring so compassionately and completely into the world. Thanks for being such powerful role models and for taking time to give back so generously.
These days, after a book finally comes out in paper form, it’s time to turn right around and put it back into the virtual space so it can spread across the globe (at least that’s every author’s hope). My good friends at YogaHub.com have made it easy for me to create a virtual community. Many thanks go to Segovia Smith and Christina Souza Ma for building such an inclusive and complete virtual home. As super as that site is, it doesn’t hold a candle to how super it is to have friends like you. Our work together continues to be a creative blast.
Finally, to the wonderful yoga students who bless me with their presence in class and in life. I love sharing that sacred space with you.
And thank you for reading these words. Without you, the writing would be incomplete. All writing needs a reader. May you enjoy the experience of reading as much as I enjoyed the writing.
How To Take “A Minute For Me”
“Shaken, not stirred,” was the way James Bond took his martini break in those not-too-frequent moments of rest between steamy sex and spy action. How do you take your own brand of rest and rejuvenation? How do you take a minute for yourself in a hectic day?
We are a driven society, consumed with action and rewarding those who get things done. The more you can get done—for your family, at your job, in your community—the more you are seen as productive. You’re seen as pulling your weight.
The high price for getting things done can be letting yourself become undone.
Does it have to be that way? Do you need to trade your own needs, health, and overall wellness for financial security, for accolades at work, or for being of service in your community? Does doing your duty mean you desert yourself? Does living a responsible life demand the ransom of never-ending must-do’s?
I sincerely hope not. I’m betting that the more you are able to balance your own needs with the demands of others, the more you will be able to give—and to receive in return.
What is A Minute for Me?
Taking a “Minute for Me” means we find space—some distance from the demands, a stillness or quiet spot just to reconnect with our self. Even if we are feeling absolutely hemmed in by circumstance, or overwhelmed with responsibility, we can begin by looking at where space already exists. We can start our day with the inquiry, “Where is the space in this day, in this moment, for me?”
Can we still feel, sense, and stay connected to self in all the busyness?
Maybe there’s a “minute for me” when you first wake up in the morning or just before you fall asleep at night. Maybe that minute comes when you are taking a shower or going for a walk. Maybe that minute comes just by the simple act of taking a deep breath. Or maybe your minute comes when you change your mind about something that has troubled you.
If you watch closely, somewhere, sometime, somehow, there are moments just for you. If we are mentally busy, though, these quiet spaces can quickly be drowned out by the thoughts of what else you need to do for your children, for work, or for your spouse.
The more you actively pay attention to finding “a minute for me” the more moments you’ll have.
It’s important to cultivate that self-awareness even in busy times, when it feels like nothing else can be crammed into the day. Because at some point in your life, you will most surely be alone. Just you and empty blocks of time hanging out like old pals. Maybe it will be when the kids leave for college. Or you divorce a spouse of many years. Or, as will come to all of us at one time or another, when we face death alone.
That long-awaited quiet time comes—and we’ll have no idea what to do with it. Who are you without this list of to-do’s?
After a lifetime ignoring or suppressing our own self and needs, there’s only a void where our vibrant self should be.
This book is about staying connected to the most important person in your life—you. And we’re going to do that by bringing yourself back to you even as you attend to all of life’s demands.
Rather than a time-out, try a time-in.
For years people have been telling me I should read the New York Times best-seller Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. I finally cracked the book open after one of my senior yoga students gave it to me, with yet another endorsement of “you’ll love this.”
She’s right, it’s a great book.
The author writes about doing what many long for—finding a connection to self and to the divine. She finds that connection in a year-long travel of self-discovery in far-away lands.
I’ll admit to feeling fleeting pangs of jealously when I first started reading. Who wouldn’t want to travel to exotic places, meet esoteric gurus and medicine men, all while trying to figure out who they are?
The pangs of jealously lifted when I realized what I would refuse to trade for such an adventure. I love taking care of my family, being there for my children when they get off the bus from school, and making dinner (well, maybe that’s a stretch, but you get the picture). I love my work teaching yoga, writing and consulting. I love my little country town where I know everyone’s name.
The exotic path others take to self-exploration is not my path. Mine is much more . . . average. Or maybe the more accurate word is mundane.
The mundane, average, everyday circumstances can be a doorway to the big questions like who you are and where you’re going in this lifetime. Life, just as it is, is our biggest teacher.
For self-discovery, exotic travel is optional. Inquiry is mandatory.
That’s why this book is not about giving answers—how presumptuous would that be? Instead, it’s filled with questions, inviting you to inquire about what is true for you. Along with personal stories to motivate your own exploration and inquiry, you’ll find simple 60-second exercises to build that “minute for me” muscle into your day. Building that muscle is absolutely critical to living an authentic life. Self-discovery is the only path back to you.
Many times it’s impossible to “escape,” to get away physically from the demands of life. But you can plan a mental escape. You can mentally change your focus from the outside—the gazillion things you think you need to do—and hone your focus on the one thing that you are doing in this very moment. Take a “time-in” this moment.
You can think about the past, you can plan for the future, but the only time you experience life is right now. This is as good as it gets!
Life is always happening now. If you are constantly re-running the “to-do” list through your mind, or rushing to get one thing done so you can do something else, you miss this moment. In the blink of an eye, life goes by and you wonder how you got to be that person in the mirror.
If James Bond can take time to sip a fancy martini between sex scenes and death threats, there’s a “minute for me” somewhere in your day. Or, if the philosophy of Thoreau speaks more to you than Hollywood’s 007, there is time to “live deliberately.”
Maybe that is the ultimate exotic travel—the exploration of your own heart.
Directions
Since when does a book need directions? It’s fairly straight-forward—open the cover, read each page, and move from beginning to end.
You could read this book in that traditional way, I suppose. But what I really want—what I really hope to accomplish with this book—is for you to be deeply engaged in your own experience. That only comes about when you shift your perspective from what you are reading to the inner experience of how it relates to you.
That means shifting your attention from the words on this page to what’s happening inside you this very moment. You are the center of attention here, not the book.
So directions are needed because you are not reading the way you have always read. Instead of reading words, you are reading your heart. You are exploring you, and this book is just a way of prompting you to bring your attention to many different facets of self.
Here’s how the journey unfolds. . . .
Each mini-chapter has two components: a story and a reflection. The story can be read in under a minute and is meant to be a fun and light-hearted way of approaching the things that happen every day. These stories come from my life, with the hope that you can find some similarities that relate to your life. The reflection time comes after the story, and it’s called A Minute for Me.
The reflection is the turning point from standard reading to self-inquiry. What does this reading mean to me? How does it play out in my life?
When you come to A Minute for Me reflection, do yourself a favor and take a deep breath in, let it out with a sigh, and feel your body relax. Turn your attention inward, and mentally shift gears from reading to observing what’s happening inside.
Then read the reflection and ponder the questions.
There’s space below each reflection area to journal or to doodle. You can also feel free to ignore the lined area and instead stare off into space or sit quietly.
What’s not written is so much more important than what is written. What’s not written is your story. That’s the only story that ever matters. And you’ve got to take the time to decipher it for yourself. No one else can author that writing but you.
You can read each story and reflection sequentially, or you can open the book up at some random point and start there. There is no beginning or end. There’s just constant self-inquiry. You are a very interesting story, with lots to explore.
Keep Quiet Now. Pay Later.
My daughter broke her arm after falling off a horse. Not a minor break, mind you, but a bend-your-elbow-backwards type that required surgery. She broke both bones in her lower arm, dislocated her elbow, and broke off a bone fragment that had to be screwed back in place.
It’s not an experience either of us ever wants to go through again.
While we were in the emergency room, Emily’s arm needed to be set so that the elbow would pop back into place. As my husband and I tried to comfort her, the team worked on setting her up for the procedure.