OTHER E-BOOKS IN THIS SERIES
‘How to achieve what you want, when you want’
7 powerful principles of successful thinking for work, life and everything
by Andy Gilbert, this FREE 33 page e-book is packed with ideas and tips on the 7 principles of successful thinking. It contains 8 top tips to help you define your goals, 5 steps to help you plan your priorities and yet more tips on strengthening your self-belief, how to involve others more successfully and how to make choices. Put into action immediately these ideas will greatly increase your probability of achieving what you want, when you want.
Each of our powerful principles of successful thinking is also the subject of a separate e-book, giving more detail and more tips to help you.
To obtain your copy of this FREE e-book simply visit www.gomadthinking.com
THINKING PRINCIPLE ONE
‘How to develop a personal passion’
Practical tips to increase your motivation to achieve
by Andy Gilbert & Annagail Davies, explains thinking principle one of our Solution Focused ThinkingTM System in greater depth. As well as discovering how to avoid blaming others, you’ll also get great tips on how to increase your motivation to achieve and save yourself masses of time in the process!
THINKING PRINCIPLE TWO
‘How to determine what you want and when you want it’
Pragmatic steps to leaping into the top 5% of goal definers
by Andy Gilbert & Rob Smith, gives you tips on defining exactly what it is you want to achieve, as well as helping to increase your self-belief you can achieve it. It will make your task of deciding priorities, which we cover in this e-book, really easy!
THINKING PRINCIPLE THREE
‘How to produce plentiful possibilities, pressing priorities and perfect plans’
Quick and easy tips to plan your success and get you started
by Andy Gilbert & Ken Hudson, gives you some quick and easy steps to plan your success and get you started. With tips to eliminate time wasting, generate loads of ideas and produce a plan that will work for you, it will help you make your goal come to life and stay alive!
THINKING PRINCIPLE FOUR
‘How to create a self-belief that you can and will achieve’
Powerful insights into building the confidence to succeed
by Andy Gilbert & Graham Field, expands on Henry Ford’s famous quote “Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right." It gives a powerful insight into just how much we are governed by limiting beliefs, and how we can harness the power of our minds to achieve so much more than we ever dreamed possible.
THINKING PRINCIPLE FIVE
‘How to get others on your side’
Definitive guidelines on involving others to achieve what you want
by Andy Gilbert & Caron Lindley, gives an explanation of the five types of people that you can involve to help you achieve your goal. Research has shown that the bigger your goal, the better your chances of success if you involve others to help. If you only ever involve the people closest to you, then this e-book is for you!
THINKING PRINCIPLE SEVEN
‘How to guarantee success’
Clear and simple tips on taking action and measuring results
by Andy Gilbert & Rob Smith, is a hard-hitting finale to the seven key principles of Solution Focused ThinkingTM. As well as challenging your thinking, and challenging you to put it all into practice, there is valuable advice on measuring goals, especially difficult-to-measure things like ‘confidence’. Plus an invitation for you to choose to make a difference.
‘The Making A Difference Workbook’
30 activities and exercises for successful thinking about work, life and everything
by the Go MAD Team, is an essential guide to help you put into practice successful thinking. The workbook is structured to allow you to think through key issues and turn them into practical applications that you can put to use immediately. It will help you take a step closer to what you want to achieve.
To order any of the above e-books, simply visit www.gomadthinking.com
CONTENTS
Page
Introduction 5
- 3 ways that this e-book will help you
It’s not my fault! 6
- Or is it?
A true story 7
- How taking responsibility might have helped
3. Refuse to blame others or make excuses 8
4. Use the world’s greatest expert 9
Don’t use (real) estate agents 9
- How to take responsibility for your house sale
6. Lead by example 10
7. Exercise your power to choose 10
8. Choose to make a difference in your life 11
9. Choose what you want to make a difference about 12
10. Choose to make time 13
11. Choose how you talk to yourself 15
12. Choose your partners 17
Create your own future 18
- 5 elements of the responsibility scale
Does the past haunt you? 19
- Let go of unhelpful thinking
15. Time to find some courage 20
16. Taking responsibility for your thoughts and actions 21
17. Learning summary 22
18. Where to go from here 22
Liability disclaimer
The material contained in this e-book is general and is not intended as advice on any particular matter. Go MAD Research & Consulting Group and the author expressly disclaim all and any liability to any person whatsoever in respect of anything done by any person in reliance, whether in whole or in part, on this e-book. Please take appropriate legal advice before acting on any information in this e-book.
INTRODUCTION
Thinking principle six of the Go MAD Solution Focused ThinkingTM System lies at the heart of the framework. If personal responsibility is missing, usually shown by casting blame for failure elsewhere, then the whole system collapses.
Most of the time however, we have much more responsibility than we give ourselves credit for. By viewing personal responsibility in a different light and by making choices about each of the other thinking principles in the Solution Focused ThinkingTM System, we can greatly enhance our chances of success.
Plan Priorities Involve
Others Define
Goal Reason
Why Self
Belief Take
Action
Personal Responsibility
Go MAD Framework
This e-book follows on from other e-books in this series but if you haven’t read any of the others – don’t worry! This book will still give you some good insights.
Solution Focused ThinkingTM is the result of over 4000 hours of research into how people make a difference in their lives. It is a success system. Each time you read a bit more about one of the thinking principles in Solution Focused ThinkingTM, then not only are you helping yourself think more clearly, more effectively and more quickly, but you are also helping yourself become more successful.
This e-book will help you:
Expand your thinking to five basic choices you have to make
Understand the part you play in success
Assess where you are on the ‘taking responsibility’ scale.
Taking responsibility is not hard – it just requires a different mindset and, sometimes some courage. If you believe you have what it takes, then read on!
How many times do you hear people looking around to put blame elsewhere with phrases like:
“It wasn’t my fault!”
“If Steve had done what I asked him, then this wouldn’t have happened.”
“I can’t get this done if Marie sticks her nose in.”
And so on. These are all examples of how we like to place blame elsewhere. I will admit that there are rare times when external factors can have a huge bearing on your success. For example, if the bottom fell out of your market through September 11th and, you didn’t achieve your sales targets.
However, most of the time, if we look carefully at the situation, then we have much more responsibility for the outcome than we think.
For example, you delegate a task to someone, and ask him or her to complete it by the end of the following week. When the deadline comes, you find that the task has not been completed, or not been completed to your satisfaction.
If that person reports into you and the task is part of his or her job, then you might put the blame squarely at their door. You then use that as an excuse for not achieving one of your tasks. You believe that you are totally justified in doing so, since you were explicit in the nature of the task and the deadline.
Before laying that blame, however, this situation demands a number of questions, including:
What method did you use to gain the person’s buy-in to YOUR goal?
How did you ensure the person realised the significance of the task and the deadline?
How did this task fit in with other priorities that this person had?
If the person had given this priority, what would you have been happy for him/her to not do instead?
How did you ensure that the person had whatever help they may have needed?
What was the person’s underlying belief about the task? e.g.
“He says it’s important, but it will only lie on his desk for the next 4 weeks.”
“I don’t know where to start with this – it’s a much bigger task than I have attempted before.”
“If I tell him I don’t know how to do it, he’ll think I’m not up to the job. Perhaps he’ll forget about it.”
Any one of these questions might throw the responsibility squarely back onto our own shoulders.
“When a man points a finger at someone else, he should remember that four of his fingers are pointing at himself.”
Louis Nizer
Some years ago one of my colleagues at Go MAD was President of a voluntary organisation. At one committee meeting they were looking for sponsorship for some printing on a charitable project. She asked if anyone round the table had contacts at any of the local printers. One new, young and inexperienced member said that he knew the Managing Director of one of the local printing companies. She asked him if he would request sponsorship and he said “yes”.
As the weeks went by, the new member didn’t contact the printer. He always provided excuses such as “too busy”, or the “MD didn’t seem to be around”. Getting the printing sorted was becoming critical to the project. Exasperated and blaming the new member, the President eventually contacted the printer herself. She was able to contact the man concerned very easily and sponsorship was obtained.
Looking back at that incident she realises that whilst the new member undoubtedly knew the printer well enough to ask, there were a number of things she didn’t check.
Did he have the self-confidence to ask for free printing?
Being a new member, did he have the confidence in the organisation’s ability to deliver the project successfully (and thereby not embarrass himself with his contact)?
Did he lack confidence in speaking on the telephone?
Did he have sufficient trust in the president that she was delegating a task that was achievable?
Whilst she had happily pointed the finger of blame at this person, she now realises that the blame was actually hers through failure to explore the above questions. What was more; she made it worse by doing the job herself. That probably pushed the young man’s self-confidence to an even lower level than before.
I have worked with many organisations during the past years. In a large percentage of these there is a high level of blame; with people at one level, blaming people at another; people in one team, blaming people in others; people blaming each other; people blaming the weather, the heavy traffic – the examples are endless. What positive use does it serve in making a difference? None at all – a classic case of whining dog syndrome (for further explanation of this syndrome see the e-book on thinking principle one, ‘How to develop a personal passion’) just letting everyone else know about an uncomfortable situation without doing anything productive about it.
What’s more, many managers I meet proudly claim that, “We don’t have a blame culture here.” Notice how the word blame gets programmed into the mind once more. What would be more helpful is to focus on what they want, which is the opposite i.e. a responsibility culture. However, many people seem to prefer blaming rather than taking responsibility. This is something you can choose to make a difference about this!
“If you haven't the strength to impose your own terms upon life, you must accept the terms it offers you.”
T. S. Eliot
It is liberating to say, “I take responsibility for… (your actions)”, either out loud or to yourself, as a positive affirmation. Even when admitting mistakes and taking responsibility, still speak positively and question yourself, “What could I have done more effectively, or differently?”
Remember that your subconscious mind accepts the messages it receives, as true. When blaming others, your subconscious mind acts on this belief to prove that it is the fault of someone else. Hence, nothing happens to change the pattern of your behaviour. Whereas, taking responsibility and seeking to learn as a result of your actions, causes your mind to start automatically adjusting your behaviour to become more responsible.
You are the world’s greatest expert about you achieving what you want.
You have incredible insider knowledge about your motivation, your capabilities, your dreams, and your ambitions. No one else knows as much about you, as you do. No one else has as great a stake in your future as you do.
It’s not what you know that’s important; it’s what you do with it that matters. Taking responsibility for your actions and the choices, you have made in the past, is the first step. The second step is to take responsibility for your current situation and your future. Choosing to apply the Solution Focused ThinkingTM Key Principles is a decision you have to make.
“You take your life in your own hands, and what happens?
A terrible thing: no one to blame.”
Erica Jong
You are aware of how to achieve what you want, i.e. by applying the seven key thinking principles. You are also aware that you can involve others to help you. The only thing that can determine your success is you. Decide to use your incredible potential to make a difference about whatever is important enough for you.
At least if you do use them, don’t blame or use them as an excuse for your house not being sold. Now before you get the wrong idea, I believe that estate agents provide a valuable service – if you don’t want to take responsibility for selling your house.
If you want to make a difference about selling your house, you need to recognise that involving estate agents (thinking principle five) is just one part of the process. I have helped several friends to sell their houses in the past couple of years, by enabling them to take responsibility for their actions.
Earlier this year someone commented to me, “I’ve tried everything to sell my house”, and he then went on to blame various factors and people.
Noticing immediately that he had only been ‘trying’ rather than ‘doing’. I decided to challenge the ‘everything’ and have some fun. I asked him, “You’ve tried everything? What were the last 40 things you tried?”
“I haven’t tried 40 things.”
“OK what about the 30 ways you’ve tried?”
“What do you mean 30 ways?”
“20 ways? 10 ways? 5 ways? What things have you tried?” I eventually asked.
“Well it’s been on with the estate agents for the last 12 months!”
What I wanted to show him was that if he took responsibility for identifying more possibilities (the ‘everything’) then it would have been more likely that his house would have been sold.
“God gave us two ends - one to sit on and one to think with. Success depends on which one you use.
Heads you win, tails you lose.”
Author Unkown
Your words and actions influence the behaviour and attitudes of others. Talking about making a difference and actually doing it are two separate things. Many of the people we interviewed in our research into making a difference specifically commented on the importance of being a role model for others and leading by example. Personal leadership is a term that aptly describes your role in the Solution Focused ThinkingTM System. When you become the leader, you must accept responsibility for the outcome of your actions.
“The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs!”
Joan Didion
If you have read the other e-books in this Go MAD series, you will have realised that you can learn to take greater control of your mind. Your mind is like a magnet; more powerful than any other magnet. You choose what to attract and how to react to the givens, the things you can’t change. The decisions are yours and yours alone. You can choose to take responsibility and consciously apply the thinking principles, or you can choose not to. Exercising your power to choose is the core of thinking principle six and the whole Solution Focused ThinkingTM System.
Lying at the heart of our system, thinking principle six has a link with each of the first five principles and gives us our five choices when making a difference.
Take
Action
Involve
Others Personal Responsibility
Self
Belief
Reason
Why Define
Goal Plan Priorities
You decide how you travel through life and you choose whether or not to make a difference. This is the link with thinking principle one, the ‘reason why’.
Take
Action
Involve
Others Self
Belief Personal Responsibility
Define
Goal Plan Priorities Reason
Why
You choose your vehicle and then decide whether to be the driver of your own life or become a passenger. Sometimes it can be comfortable in the passenger’s seat; you might get used to not looking to the future. It is easy to become dependent on others, and lose control of your own destiny. In the Disney film ‘The Lion King’, Simba, the young Lion King, attempts to avoid adult responsibilities and is challenged by a vision of his father, to make a difference: “Simba, you have forgotten who you are. Look inside yourself. You are more than what you have become”.
You might not notice, as time passes, that the comfortable passenger seat has become a comfortable rut. It hurts, but not enough to move. You can choose whether to increase the strength of your reason why. When the pain of staying in the rut becomes a lot greater than the pain of getting out of it, then you’ll get out of it. If the pleasure of getting out of it is a lot greater than staying in the rut, you will also get out of it. It’s your responsibility; you choose. The choice is a simple one. Either ‘Yes’ I will make a difference and achieve what I want, or ‘No’ I don’t want to.
“If you don’t run your life, then somebody else will.”
John Atkinson
Having decided ‘yes’ to the previous choice, you then have to choose what to achieve. This forms the link with thinking principle two, or define goal.
Reason
Why
Personal Responsibility
Define
Goal
In reality, you are probably choosing lots of goals, some of which may be small goals, some of which may be large goals. The important things are that…
You choose to work towards a goal that moves you forward in your life
You choose to make it relevant to other factors in your life
You choose how you want to measure your success
You choose to make it align with your values
You choose to define it so specifically that it makes it easier for you to know what you want to achieve and easier to explain it to others
You choose to put an achievable time-scale on it.