50 Reasons To Not Suffer
By Tony DiBella
Copyright 2012 Tony DiBella
Smashwords Edition
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
Contents
26. Well You’re Not That Hot Either
29. Two Hours You’ll Never Get Back
30. Should’ve Could’ve Would’ve
40. The Demons That Lurk In The Dark
41. When The Unexpected Happens
45. She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not
46. I Asked For Well Done, Not Alive
Everyone suffers from time to time. Some people suffer every day. It seems that suffering doesn’t discriminate either. It doesn’t care about your nationality or your religious beliefs. Suffering affects everyone from all walks of life. So why do we suffer and why is it universal? Well, suffering is simply the result of two things:
1. Not getting what we expected.
2. Not accepting what is.
If you always expect good things to happen to you, you’re going to be disappointed, and very often I might add. What we call good and bad are both a part of life, and in order to find any sort of happiness, we have to accept this fact. This is what being an adult is all about; to accept what is and to not pout about it. I’m not saying it’s easy, but to be an adult, it has to be done. This may sound like a kick in the proverbial butt, but there are a lot of children in adult bodies on this planet, and those are the people who suffer the most.
To accept ‘what is’ means to accept everything, no matter what. In fact, to be an adult means to accept everything as it is without complaining about it. Life has so much potential for so many things including great things, horrible things, and everything in between. Yet, we fight the terrible things because they aren’t what we wish for in our lives. What I’m saying is you might as well accept those things too because you can’t stop bad things from happening. They are a part of life. It’s as simple as that. If we could all just accept this one simple fact, we would be so much better off and suffering would be a thing of the past for the most part.
If you are able to accept everything as it is, without judgement, then it would follow that you would not expect only good things to happen to you. You would also understand that bad things are going to happen and you would be okay with this fact. You see, life brings everything to the table, good and bad, and it’s only our judgement that makes them as such. So to accept everything as it is means to not judge anything as being good or bad.
Having said this, I’m not saying to be a door mat and take everything lying down. If you don’t agree with something, do something about it. However, what I am saying is to accept the fact that these things will happen. Often times, it’s out of our control, so why getting worked up about it? When something ‘bad’ happens, accept it, and if you can, do what you have to do to correct the situation. Isn’t it easier to go through life with full acceptance instead of moaning and groaning about the inevitable? Besides that, life is too short to waste it on unnecessary suffering.
As you read through the chapters, try your best to keep an open mind. I don’t expect you to agree with everything I have to say, but I might present a topic in a way you may not have thought of before. Look at it this way. If this book can decrease your suffering by at least fifty percent, isn’t it worth it to keep an open mind? Believe me; you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. In the end though, it’s your life, and I can’t make decisions for you. I can only hope you can put aside your judgements long enough to take in the message this book has to offer.
It seems that so many people are affected by the weather. It is true that not enough sun can cause depression, and seasonal affective disorder is a reality that many people have to face every year. However, it is also true that people will complain about the slightest bit of rain or snow. It’s like living in England and complaining that it rains too much. I live in the Toronto area of Canada, and during the summer, if it isn’t thirty degrees Celsius and humid every day, people will complain and say we had a bad summer. If it rains once a week on top of that, people will say we had a horrible summer. This may seem like an exaggeration, but believe me, it isn’t.
For all those people who live in the colder climates, the reality is this. It isn’t going to be hot every day, and it is going to rain and snow sometimes. This is just the way it is, and to suffer over it won’t make it go away. However, you do have the power to not let it affect you. It is true that Canada’s warm weather only visits three, maybe four, months out of the year, so a bad summer can seem like a bad deal. However, the weather is bad only if you judge it as such. If you live in a colder climate, you have to expect some nasty weather throughout the year. If you live in Florida, you have to expect hurricanes. And if you live in Kansas, you have to expect tornados. Even the Caribbean gets its fair share of bad weather. The point is to not make a big deal out of it. If you’re really going to let something as silly as the weather affect your mood, what’s going to happen when a real tragedy hits home?
The weather is going to affect a lot of things in your life. It’s going to rain on your baseball games and your picnics. It may even snow on Halloween (it has happened here). The question is; are you going to let it affect your enjoyment of the day, or are you going to wallow in misery over something you have no control over?
My wife and I had an outdoor wedding in the mountains during late September. It was cold that day and it got pretty windy as soon as the ceremony started. My wife had a sleeveless dress on and she was shivering. I had a jacket on but I could still feel the cold. In spite of all this, we still managed to enjoy the ceremony and we had a pretty good time taking outdoor pictures as well. However I will admit we were glad when we went inside for dinner and cocktails. Weather-wise, it wasn’t a perfect day, but to us it was still perfect because it was our wedding day.
Here’s something to ponder before we move on. There are people on Earth who live in extreme climates who live very satisfying lives. There are people who live in war-stricken countries who live very satisfying lives. And there are people who live in crime-ridden cities who live very satisfying lives. So the question is, “why can’t everyone else be happy when we get a little bit of rain?”
I think most drivers experience road rage several times in their lifetimes. I see the way people drive and it’s more common than you might think. Road rage can happen for a number of reasons, but I think the most common one is where two drivers have different driving styles and one of them doesn’t like the way the other one is driving. Let’s make up two characters named Joe and Sally. Joe is a really easy going guy and he drives as if it’s Sunday, everyday. Sally on the other hand is aggressive and likes to put the pedal to the metal. When Sally finds herself behind Joe, she gets infuriated because he isn’t going fast enough. So she passes him while laying on the horn. Is Sally justified in her actions, or is Joe right for driving at a legal speed?
In truth, it doesn’t matter who is right and who is wrong. What matters is that everyone has their own driving habits, and not everyone is going to be in a hurry like Sally. The fact is that you can’t force people to behave and think the way you do, let alone drive the way you do. Another fact is that we all have to share the road. No one gets special treatment. If you can accept these two simple facts, you will find that your drive will go much smoother and you will be less stressed by the end of it.
There’s no sense in raising a finger at someone just because you don’t like the way they drive. In fact, they aren’t going to change the way they drive regardless of which finger you use. Everyone is different and it would be in our best interest to accept those differences. You can’t expect everyone to be just like you, so why make a big deal out of it?
Now you could argue that sometimes you’re in a hurry and really need to be somewhere in five minutes. If you slept in and are late for work, that is your own fault. However, if it is a true emergency, you have to keep in mind that driving like a bat out of hell could land you or someone else in the hospital, and then you’ll have some real problems on your hands. In the end, you’ll regret driving like a maniac and it’ll be something you will have to live with for the rest of your life.
Mind you, there are some really bad drivers out there, as well as rude ones. And even though some of them shouldn’t have a driver’s license, we are still forced to share the road with them. Simple acceptance of the fact that there will always be bad drivers will also make your drive go smoother. So don’t expect everyone on the road to obey the rules or drive like you do. You’ll only be setting yourself up for disappointment.
Our careers play a big part in our lives, and if we have to do something we don’t enjoy, it can be frustrating. Not everyone likes their jobs and not everyone likes to work, and if you fall into this category, you may be one of those who dread going to work every day.
It’s not easy going to a job you hate, so it’s important to count your blessings and see the good in it. There are a lot of people who don’t have work and wish they had any job. Providing for your family is also important and you couldn’t do that without a job. Also remember that no matter what you do, you’re providing a service that is needed within the community in which you work, and this alone can be satisfying.
You always have options and you can always get into another career. There is always the possibility of going back to school part-time to acquire a diploma in something you would enjoy doing. If you can’t afford it, get a loan. Millions of students get loans every year. You may also find that your government provides assistance to those who wish to go back to school. You always have options. It may take time to achieve your goals, but you do have options. Then once you’re in a better, perhaps higher paying job, you’ll have the opportunity to pay off your loan.
You may even have a set of skills you can use to start your own business. Everyone has skills. You just need to figure out what yours are and use them to your advantage. Even then, a little schooling might be needed, but in the end, it’ll be well worth the effort. If you’re unsure about what you would be good at, seek the help of a career counsellor who’ll be able to help you to figure out your options. Simply having the goal of getting into another career will alleviate much of the suffering because you will have something better to look forward to. Everything you will do from that point on will be a part of improving your life and that can be very exciting.
Do you really want to grunt and complain for another twenty or thirty years before your find any peace? If you do, you really have no one to blame for your situation but yourself. Each one of us creates his own destiny, and ultimately it’s on you if you’re not satisfied in your career. You and you alone have the power to make things happen in your favor. And don’t be afraid of failure because even some of the most successful people have failed, even several times, before they found success. Everything you do in life is a risk, and it’s only with risk that you can reap the rewards of a satisfying career and life.
Negative thinking and self-pity are the mother of failure, and believing in yourself is the mother of success. I am absolutely, undoubtedly, convinced that everyone has the ability to make their dreams come true, within reason of course. As soon as you tell yourself that you’re not good enough, you’ve already failed. Case closed. You’ve defeated yourself before you’ve even begun. Mind you, there are certain situations where, for some reason that is out of your control, you may not qualify as a good candidate for a certain endeavor. This can be heart-breaking, but it doesn’t mean you can’t find happiness in something else. For instance, if you want to be a singer and you can’t even carry a tune in the shower, you may be in way over your head. So be sure that you have the ability to carry out your goals.
“I’m not good enough” is never an excuse, even if you’ve always been put down by friends and family. Believing everything everyone tells you is disempowering. They don’t know you like you do, and at the end of the day, it is their problem, not yours. People who put others down have their own issues to deal with, and maybe they just don’t want you to succeed for personal reasons. The point is to not give away your power to other weaker people. Honestly, people who put others down are weak themselves and no one should ever take them seriously.
You may feel you’re not good enough because you’ve failed in the past. A wise man once told me that success and failure happen in the same place, and it is so true. The moment that brings failure is the same moment that brings success. It can go either way, but by believing in yourself, you increase the possibility of success in that moment. Don’t let failure be an excuse. Everyone fails at some point, and if everyone gave up after their first or second failure, this world would be an entirely different world to live in. Our standard of living would be much lower and we wouldn’t enjoy the nice things that are available to us.
It can also be discouraging when you’ve failed on several occasions. However, there is no need to suffer over it. You may have to change your strategy or look into trying different options. As long as you keep trying, the possibility of success is kept alive and the world may become an even better place to live in.
I always say, “It takes all kinds to make this world.” Everyone is different. This we can all agree on. You also never know what’s going on in someone’s head or what kind of a day they’ve had. Maybe they’re having a bad week, or a bad life. So when someone is rude or does something that upsets you, keep in mind that you don’t know the whole story, and ultimately, it’s their problem, not yours.
Why let someone ruin your day because of something they did or said? Is it because we all expect people to treat us nicely? That would be a huge expectation. Not everyone is nice and not everyone cares about other people’s feelings. Some people are just miserable and want everyone else to be miserable too. So it’s their problem, not yours.
We might also think that everyone should have the common sense to be nice to people, but that’s just an opinion. Every person has the right to legally do exactly as they please, and legally there is nothing we can do to stop them. So we have no control over what other people do, but we have complete control over how we feel about the situation. What it all boils down to is the fact that we feel hurt when someone is rude towards us. If we didn’t feel hurt, we wouldn’t care. The good news is we don’t have to feel bad about it.
When someone is rude, we think about how they didn’t meet our expectations. This in turn starts a flow of negative emotions that end up ruining our day. If we would just realize that it’s their problem and not ours, we wouldn’t mull over it for as long as we do. Even if it seems like it’s personal, it isn’t. Ultimately, it always has something to do with what’s going on inside their head.
Don’t make their problem into your problem. If you decide to take revenge to make yourself feel better, then you’re turning it into your problem. The adult thing to do is to let it go and let children be children. It’s your decision. So the question is, “are you a petulant child, or are you an adult?”
With the exception of a handful of people, most people are on a budget, especially those who have a mortgage and car loans to pay off. If you have children, the budget is even tighter. When you’re on a budget, it’s tough to splurge on a new big screen TV, or new furniture, or updating the kitchen, but this doesn’t mean you can’t be happy. Material things are nice, but you have to realize they don’t bring lasting happiness. Most of the time, the high wears off after a few weeks and you find yourself in search of something new to make you happy again. It’s a viscous cycle and most people don’t even realize it.
The whole advertising industry is geared towards perpetuating this cycle. The cycle begins with getting bored with your latest purchase and a void is created. The next phase is looking for something to fill that void. Then you pay attention to the ads on TV and they tell you what you need right now to be happy and improve your life. Finally you complete the cycle when you buy the product. Then it starts all over again. Boat loads of money are spent every year on advertising because it works, and it works because you allow it to work. If everyone in the modern world were to make the conscious decision to not pay any attention to the ads, the whole industry would have to change. The point is that you don’t have to believe it when the ads tell you that you need a new car or a new television to be happy.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to have material possessions, to go out to dinner, or to go to the movies, but if you can’t afford it, it doesn’t mean you have to be miserable. There are people who can’t even afford to put good food on the table or pay their hydro bill. Sometimes, you have to put things into perspective and realize exactly how lucky you are. Unfortunately, we live in a world where our hard work isn’t always compensated fairly. Sometimes, we have to work two jobs just to make ends meet. But this is a part of living on Earth. This is just the way it is, and to accept this fact means you won’t have to suffer over it.
Of course, you always have the option to make a better life for yourself. It may be difficult and it may take years, but it can be done. In the meantime, make the best of what you have. You can be happy spending time with your family and friends. You can go to the beach or for a walk in the park. You can even participate in community events that interest you. Happiness doesn’t always mean spending a lot of money.