What’s Holding YOU Back?
by Allan Knight
Smashwords Edition
Copyright © 2011 Allan Knight. All Rights Reserved.
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Liability Disclaimer: The author and publisher disclaims all liability arising from the usage of advice in this book. If professional assistance is required, a competent professional should be consulted. This book does not constitute professional advice and is not a replacement for a live consultation.
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Front Cover Art and Design: Third Eye Productions
Edited by: Jasmin Crothers and Patricia Elahee
Edition: December 2011
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DEDICATION
This book is dedicated to the amazing people that I have been so fortunate enough to know and learn from throughout my life:
To my late dear soul mate, Suzie, who continues to be the joy of my life even after her passing. Through her, I have learned unconditional love. I have also learned to be more aware of the world and environment around me and to be more responsible. I love her so deeply and continue to benefit from her support and guidance.
To my longtime friend Stefan, who has been my closest friend for over twenty-five years. Without his support and wisdom, there is no way that I would be where I am today. Most of all, he has taught me the importance of true friendship.
To my special friend Joanne, who is one of the wisest women I know. Through her wisdom, intuition and advice over the years, I have a better understanding of women, relationships and mostly the relationship I have with myself.
To my brother, Larry, who has truly been one of my role models. I could not have had a more caring brother who has a huge heart, amazing intelligence, and love for life.
To my late business partner Stephen, who called himself my tor-mentor. His passion, determination, focus and attention to detail helped bring the ‘warrior spirit’ out of me, and for that I am most grateful.
To my dear friend Vera, who has been my closest friend during my years in Vancouver away from most other close friends and family. Her warmth, support and passion for life has been so uplifting.
To my friend Henry, who has taught me the importance of hard work, determination and self-responsibility. His success story is an inspiration to us all.
To my good friends Bobby and Claude, who have provided great friendship over the years and, above all else, made me laugh more than anyone I know.
To all my friends and acquaintances who have contributed in so many ways to my professional and personal growth. To all of them, I am truly grateful and can surely say that without them, this book would never have been written.
Step #1: What’s Holding You Back?
Step #3: Expanding Your Vision
Step #4: Strengthening Your Inner Core
Step #5: Success Through Action
Step #6: Overcoming the Obstacles
Step #7: The True Power to Manifest
So here you are reading another self-help book. If it’s your very first time doing so, you may skip what I am about to say. For the rest of you, I ask the following question: Why? I assume that you have chosen to read this book because something is still holding you back from moving ahead in life. Most of you have likely invested much time and money in reading, in hiring a coach or in attending highly charged motivational seminars and workshops. So again I ask, why are you back for more? The truth is that most of us are looking for the next great idea or experience to give us that extra edge in life, both professionally and personally. If that is all you wish to achieve by reading this book, then you will likely find a few nuggets here as well. But I do believe that some of you are looking for a lot more than a few more nuggets.
You may be someone who is tired of ‘dabbling’ in personal growth, having been exposed to a variety of philosophies, concepts and techniques. It may have been some form of visualization, meditation or communication workshop. You might have explored some form of therapy or learned how to do affirmations. I certainly have and benefitted from all of them. At times though, it can be confusing and overwhelming, and rarely do we have access to a truly complete and practical approach to self mastery. It is my belief that the personal development journey is less about knowledge or having a temporary high at a motivational seminar. In the end, it’s about mastering ourselves to a point where we no longer have to search for so many answers outside of ourselves. We can literally become our own life coach.
The masters from the East who meditated to achieve enlightenment, often did so without reading a lot of books. They simply counted their breath from 1–10 to quiet their rational mind and go to a much deeper level of inner peace, clarity and mental concentration. Do you want to get into top physical shape? If so, do you think about reading books or attending seminars? Of course you don’t. You get into the gym and get onto a program. Why should it be any different for our inner fitness? I now introduce to a different type of book; I welcome you to the inner gymnasium where you can get into top shape from the inside out. You will be able to access a method of getting the inner conditioning you need, the mental toughness you seek and the inner self confidence you desire in order to live a truly extraordinary life.
For the most part what you will read in this book is an in depth overview of a program I have developed and administered for years called A Mind Fit For Success. The program is the most complete and powerful program I know to attract what you want from the inside out. It is a comprehensive system, that if practiced consistently for 90 days, will effectively jump start your journey toward self mastery. Reading this book will not replace going through the actual program be it on-line in the form of tele-seminars, webinars or in the form of live workshops; however, you will learn enough right here to start implementing some or much of the program. I would like to make very clear that I am in no way criticizing other methods and approaches, as I have benefitted by many of them myself. I am simply saying if you are still stuck in some area of life, you might find this program to be a very powerful, complete and effective alternative.
I also would like to mention that this book is meant to be more of a how-to book, providing you with some valuable information and practical tools you can use right now to improve your life. I could certainly have written a much more entertaining or philosophical book, but I felt a more practical one was the right and timely thing to do. I sensed that people today want more than concepts; they want something that they can implement and achieve in a relatively short period of time. That is why this book is less about reading and more about doing. When you work out at the gym, the experience can sometimes be repetitive and tedious. But when you look in the mirror as time goes on, being pleased with the results is what really counts. What you read in this book may seem a little like working out in the gym, but if you push through, you may find that your life begins to shape up in a way that you have always dreamed it would. You may then feel fortunate to have discovered how these nine steps can help you to attain your professional and personal goals more quickly and effectively. It is also important to note that most of my clients who have gone through this program have demonstrated significant results within ninety days. The success rate depends to some extent on the individual’s background, commitment level and strength of their desire to truly live in accordance with their life purpose. I also know that many of you will choose to read the entire book in a short period of time. It is normal to want to get all the information into your mind as quickly as possible. For maximal results though, I would recommend that at some point that you implement each step one at a time, and really focus on that step until you feel you have mastered it. For some of the steps that could mean one day, in other ones it may mean weeks.
So where are you in your life right now? You may feel discouraged from not achieving the success you desire in either your career, relationships and/or in making an impact in the world. You may feel overwhelmed and stressed out, finding it a challenge to access those ever-elusive feelings of contentment, happiness and pride in your achievements. I truly believe that most of us share the same desire to live our lives to the fullest and hope that when it comes time to leave this world, we would all love to say that we have no regrets. Sadly, many of us can’t really say that and in fact are using a very small amount of our personal potential. We may even feel that life is simply passing us by because we are not living out our true destiny and life purpose.
Well, I can assure you that you are not alone. Most humans are not living anywhere close to their true potential, which may partly explain our need for the billion dollar self-help industry. The truth is that this industry—in the form of books, coaching and seminars—has already provided us with an abundance of information and insights about how to live our lives more successfully. The awareness we get through them is an extremely important first step toward our personal growth and development. The problem is that many of us are spending much more time than we need accumulating knowledge and getting pumped up at seminars. What is often missing is our commitment to putting what we already know into action and in achieving the results we really want in the first place.
I wrote this book mainly for those of you who are highly motivated to finally take the awareness and knowledge you already have about yourself into the inner fitness gymnasium where you can get fit from the inside out. The purpose is to help you transform your knowledge into true self mastery, effective communication and ultimate fulfillment in every area of your life. The goal here is to provide you with the practical tools you need so as to become your own personal coach, much less dependent on external experts and resources.
One reason that books and seminars might be so appealing is that there is always the hope for the quick fix for our day-to-day challenges in life. As many of you know, disappointment often follows when the benefits are only short-lived. It is my experience as a trainer and coach that until a person gets really fed up with mediocrity and is ready to do whatever it takes to succeed, there is generally very little commitment to growth. The reality is that no matter what books we have read or seminars we have attended, rarely do we commit to action. It is truly amazing how many of us continue to put ourselves on the back burner. Ironically, we would never do that with our technological devices. I often ask my clients the following questions: “If your cell phone was working at only 30% of its efficiency, how quickly would you get it fixed? The same question applies with your laptop computer or your vehicle—would you settle for less than 100% efficiency or would you get them fixed right now?”
The universal answer is, of course, IMMEDIATELY. And yet when we get up in the morning, look in the mirror, do we get similarly horrified at the fact that most of us are using a very small percentage of our personal potential? How many of us, with an intense sense of urgency, seek out ways to live fully that day? The sad reality is that most of us so readily accept mediocrity in ourselves and yet wonder why we are not achieving what we want out of life.
As I asked earlier, when we commit to a physical fitness program, do we read a lot of books or attend a lot of seminars? Of course not! We simply get into a regular fitness program to achieve the results we’re looking for. So why should it be any different when approaching inner fitness? We live in a society that places so much attention on our physical well-being, often neglecting the importance of the condition of our inner world. The irony is that the inner—I believe—holds the key to success in all the other areas of our lives, including our professional and personal relationships.
In fact, the success we aspire to in life greatly depends on how effectively we communicate with other people. Every day of our lives we are in communication with others, both personally and professionally. Aside from the actual words we speak, a huge part of our communications have to do with the intangibles. They include our level of passion and enthusiasm, patience, our ability to listen and to inspire. They include our level of self-confidence, assertiveness and our ability to think on our feet as we confront challenges with others.
Keep in mind that we are hanging out with ourselves 24/7, so we better be having a great relationship with numero uno. I know this might sound a little funny but if you think about it, we have been in an arranged marriage with ourselves from the moment we came out of the womb. Unfortunately, this most important relationship we have is the one most often neglected. Why are we so damn hard on ourselves? We would never be so hard on our children, for example, so why do we get the brunt of our negativity? Do you wonder why there are so many dysfunctional relationships in our world today? I am totally convinced that most dysfunctional relationships are a result of the dysfunctional relationship we have with ourselves.
You may have read a lot of books, received university degrees and have all kinds of life and work experience, but if the castle is built on quicksand, sooner or later problems will begin to surface. That is why I ask each client who visits me for the first time the following question:
“WHAT’S HOLDING YOU BACK?”
What I usually tell them is that if they can fix the weak links in the relationship they have with themselves, then their relationships with others will flow much more effortlessly.
So that is my question to you right now: What is holding YOU back?
Is it procrastination, fear, lack of vision, insecurity/jealousy, or lack of motivation? Could it be poor leadership skills, low self-confidence, lack of time management skills, or a scattered mind? Or are you anxious, worried, impatient, or simply need to master your communication skills?
These are only some of the things that may be keeping you from living a more fulfilling and successful life. At the end of the day, most of us are looking for the same things. We want to have success at work. We want fulfilling relationships and generally feel happy and content in life. It is easier said than done. To achieve all this requires effective communication skills in both our professional and personal lives. But again I emphasize that those skills depend for the most part on the quality of the relationship we have with ourselves.
Before moving on, it may be valuable for me to share some insights into my personal background. You may then understand that this program was not merely created from ideas and concepts alone, but rather mostly from my own real life experiences and relationships with some pretty amazing people. It is important to remember that it is your journey and you go at your own pace. It is also important to be grateful for all of our life experiences, because each part builds on the next depending on whether we choose to learn from our experiences or not. Who you are at this very moment is an accumulation and result of all of your learning until now. As you read about my journey, you may wish to reflect on your own, and however positive or negative the memories may be, it is important to acknowledge the significant role your past has played in your life. It is not about how difficult or unpleasant some of it may have been, it is more about what you have done about it, and more importantly what you will do now to take your life to a whole new level. In fact, with the help of the 9-step program, you can now speed along much quicker than I was able to.
MY PERSONAL STORY
My older brother, Larry, was a tough act to follow. He graduated at the top of his class at med school, was a great athlete and was crowned King of his high school because of his popularity. If that was not enough, he was nicknamed “Dean” by some of his friends because he looked so much like the very handsome Rat Pack crooner, Dean Martin.
As for me, aside from being a pretty good athlete, I was a very average student, was insecure around girls, and felt the brunt of repeatedly being compared to my brother. I learned early on that life would not be a cakewalk. Like everyone else I would have to face fears, worries and insecurities and take responsibility for my life. I began to discover that these challenges were all part of the curriculum of being human, and with the right mindset the obstacles that we face in life could actually be opportunities to grow, to stretch, and to turn those lemons of life into lemonade.
My first big life-changing experience came when, as a nineteen year old, I gave a speech as the best man at my brother’s wedding. Keep in mind that as a teenager, I was pretty well a jock who found it challenging to communicate articulately and coherently. I can so vividly remember how nervous I was as I began to speak to over three hundred people that day. At the end of the speech, I was totally taken aback as people flocked up to me with great adulation, even encouraging me to pursue being a professional best man at weddings. They seemed to be touched by my message and my ability to communicate with such impact. I felt pleasantly surprised by their kind words and acknowledgments, but at the same time I found it quite confusing. On one hand I had just experienced a temporary glimpse into my potential as a speaker and communicator, but on the other hand I had no idea of what this all meant, nor what I could do to act upon it.
I truly believe that experience planted a seed in me that would eventually be my main motivator to pursue a career in public speaking. I knew I had a gift but it certainly took some time to truly blossom. I spent the next few years in mediocrity and lacking in purpose and like so many others who suffer from self-doubt, I became a professional procrastinator. It actually took another life-changing experience to shake me out of the doldrums.
LIFE-CHANGING EXPERIENCE
Following the death of my father, I decided to take a year off from university. My goal was to spread my wings and travel around the world in order to gain some further life experience. Six months later, I came face to face with my own mortality, being within a whisker of actually dying from a heat stroke near the Mediterranean Sea. I had spent the day alone by the water in 120 degree Fahrenheit weather. I walked about ten miles to get there, with no hat and only a tomato and piece of bread as my sustenance, not the smartest idea in the world. As I began to walk back along the desert at the end of the day, I noticed that my heart began beating very quickly. I was completely alone in the vast desert and realized something was very wrong. An inner panic began to set in and a terrible feeling of doom surrounded me. At one point I actually fell down and was resigned to the fact that I would be left to die. The next thing I knew, I was awake and on the balcony of a family who miraculously found me and transported me to their house. To this day, I’m not quite sure how they found me. They told me later that I had suffered a severe heat stroke—a common cause of death for many soldiers in that part of the world.
After that experience, my fear of death was so intense that, for the first time ever I was motivated to explore the spiritual side of life. That was when I actually made a conscious decision to truly connect with myself on a much deeper level. I wanted to know if there was more to life than the physical realities of life. Up until that time I was quite resistant to anything religious or spiritual. It is truly interesting how the experience of coming so close to death can get you out of your mind, humble you and give you a feeling of openness to self-exploration at a much more profound level. I was truly ready for a spiritual awakening; however, it needed to be real and it needed to be from actual experience and not just blind belief.
So I returned home and knew down deep that my life would never be the same. No matter how much I immersed myself into my career and into relationships, something down deep seemed to be missing, a feeling of an underlying emptiness that was undeniable. It was as if my soul was crying out to be heard and experienced. Then one day, while browsing in a local bookstore, I met a charming lady who struck up a conversation with me about spirituality. I was especially impressed by the depth of her eyes and the clarity in her voice. She projected a genuine calmness and love that could be felt instantaneously. I am not speaking here of romantic love, but rather, a much deeper kind of love that some might call unconditional love, and I knew within a very short time that she had something that I wanted.
Within a month, I had another life-changing experience when that same charming lady I met at the bookstore introduced me to a local meditation center, which later became a monastery and convent. Everyone I met there seemed to have a similar quality of contentment and love. The experience was so compelling that within a week I moved into the center and thus began the incredible stage of my life, that of living as a monk for over nine years.
With the help of wonderful mentors, I was able to access an inner peace, contentment and joy that I never knew was there. I was very grateful for this experience however, after nine years of the ascetic lifestyle, I became restless. I realized that I lived in North America, not the Himalayan Mountains, and knew that if I was to truly grow as a person, it had to be beyond the comfort of being so isolated from society at large. I knew I had to practice what I had learned within a North American context, not to mention that I began to miss female company, and some of the other things that the western culture provided. It was clear that if I was to continue on in the inner work I had done to that point, it would have to be integrated into every area of my life, including my career, relationships and community involvement.
I was more excited and committed than ever to grow as a person in every way that I could. I felt that if I was to truly have a positive impact on others, I better be a master and not just a teacher. I was motivated in using all of my talents and skills toward making a difference in the world. More specifically, I knew intuitively that I had an affinity to speaking, coaching and training. I knew that over the years, friends and acquaintances always felt at ease asking for my advice. Although I was good at giving advice, I knew that I had so much more growing to do if I was to truly have genuine impact on others. I would have to walk the talk. I learned early on that there is a big difference between being a teacher and a master. There are many teachers, but few masters.
OUR ADDICTION TO KNOWLEDGE
I have always questioned the relevance and quality of aspects of the North American educational system. I am not referring here to the quality of the teachers or the knowledge that is taught. I rather question how effectively we are teaching students the human skills, the communication and personal development skills that are so critical for succeeding in life both professionally and personally. Our traditional educational system seems to focus so much attention on rational and analytical learning, focusing much more on knowledge and much less on experiential learning. We seem to disproportionately honor technology, science, mathematics and other areas that require the brilliance of the rational mind.
No doubt these are all important areas of learning, but when we look at all the social problems that plague the world today, we can more clearly see how in the area of human relations and communication, we appear to be seriously lagging behind. The news often features stories about bullying, domestic violence, co-dependent relationships, crimes of passion, racism The list goes on. When we take a closer look at all of these issues, much of it can be traced back to feelings of self-hate, insecurity and lack of self-acceptance and self-respect. Can you imagine how our world would be if our school system would focus as much on life skills as they do on analytical learning?
When students graduate form University, most of what they are about to face has much more to do with relationships and communication than it does remembering all the knowledge they have just accumulated. Wisdom, compassion and self-confidence often go a lot farther in life than getting good scores, and yet very little of that is taught within our traditional school systems.
However important getting good grades may be, what often may be even more important is how clear, motivated and confident we must be to take charge of our lives once we leave school and enter the ‘real world’. These qualities are less tangible and often get ignored within our very knowledge-focused school systems. How can we possibly be competent at attracting and impacting others if we are not even truly connected to ourselves?
We are bombarded with information everywhere, be it through media, the web or through our engagement in social media. Don’t get me wrong—a certain amount of information can be useful, but when it comes to personal development and relationship-building skills, we often need to go beyond rational thought into the simplicity of intuition, consistent action, effective communication and, most importantly, the ability to live in the moment with presence of mind. The expression “knowledge is power” may apply in certain areas of life, but true personal growth often has more to do with clearing the mind than in accumulating an inordinate amount of intellectual knowledge. Observing that missing link within the training industry was, in part, one of the factors that motivated me to create highly practical and effective training programs that focus on putting what we know into effective action.
Some may ask what is so unique about the nine steps I keep talking about. Well, when it comes to self-development, often our learning takes place in bits and pieces. We may learn a motivational technique or therapeutic process. We might then learn a form of meditation or a way to heal from past pain and hurt. We may learn to do affirmations or positive thinking exercises. Each process may be very valuable in itself but often lacks an integrated approach that connects all the parts to make the personal development journey more seamless, rapid and effective. That is what the 9-step Mind Fit For Success program is all about. The following is a brief description of each part:
Step 1: What’s Holding You Back? is about having the courage to look into the mirror and take stock of your life.
Step 2: Inner De-Tox is about neutralizing the self-limiting beliefs and patterns from your past that keep you from moving ahead.
Step 3: Expanding your Vision is about clarifying what you want out of life on every level.
Step 4: Strengthening your Inner Core is about building up your mental toughness, determination and overall inner self-confidence.
Step 5: Success through Action is about achieving success by the actions you take both professionally and personally.
Step 6: Overcoming the Obstacles is about helping you maintain presence of mind and true mastery while experiencing the challenges of life.
Step 7: The True Power to Manifest is about intensifying your ability to attract whatever you want out of life.
Step 8: Verbal Fitness is about mastering the art of communication both professionally and personally.
Step 9: Social Impact is about creating your own inner circle for making your mark in the world.