101 STRATEGIES TO COMBAT WORRY
By: Keith A. Smith and Susan K. Smith
Copyright 2011 by Keith A. Smith and Susan K. Smith
Cover Copyright 2011 by: Keith and Susan Smith
Smashwords Edition
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
Unless otherwise stated: Scripture taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®
Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.
The "NIV" and "New International Version" trademarks are registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by International Bible Society. Use of either trademark requires the permission of International Bible Society.
Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
WITH THANKS TO...
Our friends and mentors: Tommy Newberry, Stephen Covey, Dan Miller, Dave Ramsey, Zig Ziglar, Joyce Meyer, Brett and Alex Harris, Cory Weatherton, and many more. While we have never met most of these people they have been instrumental in changing our way of thinking.
Thanks to our parents, my friends, and family who have put up with our through all of this, especially those who took the time to read through and edit this book.
WITH SPECIAL THANKS TO...
Our all-loving, all-forgiving, all-powerful heavenly Father without whom we would not be the people we are today.
For more information on Worry Coaching or speaking engagements we may be contacted at:
keith@drworry.com
To view our website go to http://www.drworry.com.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
INTRODUCTION
People may wonder why we decided to write a book on worry. What gives us the authority to write a book on worry? We are not psychologists or medical doctors. We're just ordinary people that have struggled with worry, fear, anxiety, and the like all of our lives.
When I, Keith, was a child, I would worry all the time. By the time I was 10 or 12, I had stomach ulcers. I would literally vomit on Monday mornings or even Sunday nights, thinking about going to school. I feel like I've wasted a large portion of my life being paralyzed by fear and anxiety and worry. I have found a way of life that is much better. I do have peace in my life and that is why I decided to write this book. I want to help others find the same peace I have found.
I believe that worry, fear, anxiousness, and depression are symptoms of a lack of belief in a power greater than myself that is brought about by self-centeredness and pride. They are poor habitual coping mechanisms that I used to deal with life. The problem came from my self-centeredness, perfectionism, fear of rejection, unbelief, and pride. I did not think God would really take care of me or that I was good enough for God to take care of me. I believed in God, in his existence, but I really didn't know how much he loves me and you.
The key word in the last paragraph was "think". My thinking was out of whack. God does love me and nothing I do can change that He just does. When I start thinking he doesn't love me is when I get into trouble. I think I have to control things and if I don't then they're going to get messed up. This is flawed thinking and it usually generates a cycle of flawed thinking.
For me it starts with a thought, usually regarding something I can't do anything about. From there it goes and grows into a flood of thoughts that are usually negative. Such thoughts as...my boss casually mentions that he wants me to stop into his office when I get back from my trip. Then, my mind starts racing. I begin to rehash the past few days in my head. Did I do anything wrong? There was that guy who flipped me off when I wouldn't let him in front of me. I wonder if I'm going to get fired. I should have let him in. Is there anything else I did or didn't do in the last few days? Oh, how am I going to support my family, if I get fired? Over and over in my head this crop of thoughts lead down and down to the point that, when I do get to his office, I've talked myself into thinking, "I'm not a very good employee and I deserve to be fired."
I'm serious. That's just an example, but I would do that kind of a thing quite often. When I was a child, I was on vacation with my family out in Milwaukee and I heard a newscast on the radio about Legionnaires Disease breaking out on the east coast. I remember being worried sick because I thought I was going to die, or someone I knew was going to die from it. On and on, out of control with my thoughts.
What if there's a better way? What if I did not worry? Is that even possible? How would that make you feel? Can you imagine not being worried about anything? I used to get worried when something good would happen to me because I feared that because something good happened, then something bad would happen. It had to. That's just the way life works, isn't it? I used to think just that; more flawed thinking. Have you ever thought that? It's called a scarcity mindset.
I became depressed from these negative thoughts. I would get tired, because I would try to do well, but was not able to. Try as I might, I just wasn't able to succeed. Then the snowball of gloom would overtake me and I would feel like nothing.
Let's flash back to when I was a kid. I literally had ulcers by the time I was 12. When my mom took me to the doctor to have me checked out, he put me on Phenobarbital which helped me not to worry. At that same time, I was learning how to deal with feelings and I wasn't very good at it. I didn't know how to control my emotions and there was this deep seated fear that I wasn't good enough. I don't know where that came from, but I believe that when the doctor put me on drugs, all it did was teach me to deal with emotions using drugs. So, when I found marijuana and alcohol, I didn't need the Phenobarbital anymore.
I had figured out how to deal with emotions. I thought I had figured out life. I believe the day I began using Phenobarbital to deal with my emotions was the day I stopped growing emotionally. Flash forward to age 25 when, after the third DWI, I found that alcohol and drugs weren't working for me anymore. When I got sober in 1992 (and I haven't used since then), I had to learn how to deal with emotions all over again.
For the next 16 years in sobriety I learned a lot of things and I grew emotionally. But I still struggled with worry, although not as much as I did when I was a kid. I think emotional maturity was a big factor in that. However, fear, anxiety, and worry were still big factors and ruled me. Life should not be this way, I thought. I wasted so much time and energy in my life worrying about silly things that I couldn't do anything about anyway. One day I was listening to the radio and they were interviewing an author who was talking about changing the way you think.
His book was based on Philippians 4:8. I bought the book, read and re-read it over and over. I discovered that I could change the way I think, but that was only part of it. I had to change the inputs into my brain. I had to feed my brain differently. As a truck driver I had hours on end to think. The problem was, I thought about the same things day in and day out. I was deeply in debt and had no margin in my life. I was overweight. I had made no long lasting effort to change the way I ate, spent money, how I spent my time, or who I spent it with. Reading the book was the first time I had really sat down and thought about what I was thinking about.
Since worry is a poor habitual coping mechanism, I believe now that it can be changed. I was a Christian and believed in God, but I didn’t, way down deep in my heart, believe that he could or would or does love me. I don’t know why, but for some reason, I really had a hard time with that. This is the real cure for worry; just really believing that God loves me. It gives me peace and joy and eliminates worry.
So, what kept me from believing God loves me and how did I change this habit? I changed the way I think, which changed my beliefs. About the only thing that I really have any true control over is my thoughts. One of the questions I ask myself is: does this thought bring glory to God? Or; how does this thought bring glory to God? If it doesn’t then I have to jump off that train. I believe every thought I have either moves me closer to God or further away. If you struggle with this, pray. Ask God to help you to recognize these thought patterns and pray also for Him to show you just how much he loves you. I think this is key to mustering the willingness needed to change the way you think.
My website says, "Get off the worry train." The reason behind that is I view my brain much like a train station with thought-trains running in and out all day long. I have the power to ride any of these thought-trains for a long time. I have found that you don't have to stay on any one train of thoughts. By choosing, you can jump off that train and onto a different one rather quickly. The catch was I had to recognize what were helpful thoughts and what didn't help in any way. That is specifically what this book is about; How to recognize and foster the thoughts that will enable you to jump off the train or jump on a better one. Remember you reap what you sow and I believe this is true about your thought life. So if you want to stop worrying, you need to change trains and be a good manager of your thoughts. Start thinking about what you're thinking about.
We all worry. We worry about money, clothes, the mortgage, our health, our children, our marriage, the gas prices, the car, our homes, food, our relationships, our flaws, our successes, if we're not doing enough at work, if we're doing too much at work, our neighborhoods, taxes, the government, the weather, etc., etc.
Deep down we all wish we could stop worrying. What's interesting about worry is that 1) it doesn't help the situation at all; 2) rarely does what we worry about actually happen; and 3) if we can step away from the worry for a while, it often goes away.
One of the most important things for any Christian is to bring glory to God through all that we do (II Corinthians 10:31). It's impossible to do this if we have negative, self-defeating worries in our head all the time. I sometimes wonder if God gets mad at me because I won't just be still and know that he is God.
It takes determination and practice to stop worrying. The following is a list of 101 things we can do to set aside the worry for a while. They are arranged into the six areas of our lives: mental, spiritual, emotional, relational, physical, and financial. When you start to worry about something, choose to do one of these things, (or something similar-this list is not exhaustive) and commit to setting aside your worry while you're doing the activity. As you practice this more and more, you'll find yourself worrying less and less. It's about developing a different habit than that of worry.
So, get off the worry train and join us on the path to a worry-free life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CHAPTER 1: MENTAL
Of all the areas of our life, worry probably affects our emotional and mental states the most. In fact, I think most of us would say that worry is a mental activity. To a certain extent it is. Certainly it starts with our thinking and, when we let it go unchecked, it begins to affect other areas of our lives.
Have you heard the old saying, fight fire with fire? Well, in this section we'll tell you strategies to "fight fire with fire." Since worry begins in our thoughts, we can also fight it in our thoughts. Our thoughts are just about the only thing we have control over. I used to think that I couldn't help my thoughts; they were just "there." Well, I was wrong.
I can help my thoughts by what I put into my brain in the first place. Have you ever noticed how your nighttime dreams often reflect stuff that happened in your day or what you were watching on television right before bed, or what you've been reading about? Everything we experience, read, listen to, watch, and do goes into our brains. Eventually, all or most of it will come out and it starts with our thoughts. Everything we do begins with a thought. It may be only a split second thought, but we can do nothing without first thinking about doing it.
So, what things are you putting into your brain that cause you to worry? Do you watch the news every day? Have you ever noticed how many things on the news are scary? Many news stories will rev up our worries. Yes, they're reporting things that actually happened, but do you need to know them all? Isn't your peace of mind more important than the fact that someone robbed the liquor store in a town 50 miles away? Even if it's something that happened in your town, will worrying about it make it better? "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" (Matthew 6:27 NIV)
Romans 12:2 says, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-- his good, pleasing and perfect will." (NIV) Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. This has been a major issue for me. I copied the world's behavior for a long time and got into some really bad habits. I developed some bad thought patterns. This is why I think it is crucial to change the way you think. You become what you think about most. If you worry a lot of the time, then you are thinking about things that you can't do anything about and are wasting your life away.
Time is life. So this list of things is just a few strategies for changing what you're thinking about. Do you ever think about what you're thinking about? This is a good habit to get into. I have to recognize what I'm thinking about to be able to discern if it is worth spending time on or not. (Hint: if you can't do anything about it right now, then you're wasting time worrying about it.) When you have the mental discipline to realize this, and change your thoughts, then you are on your way. This is a difficult process at times, but there is a payoff and you will find that you have joy and peace and more time in your life to think on things that you can actually do something about.
One of the most important conversations you'll have today is with yourself. With me, I am harder on myself than others are on me. Have you ever said to yourself, "You are a real good Christian! You should be better than that. How long have you been a Christian anyway?" and so on. This self talk is not honoring to God or to you and needs to be stopped.
What I didn't realize was that you have to change what you put into your head, if you want to change your thinking. I used to compartmentalize my life and I didn't think that one area of my life had much of an effect on other areas of my life. I was wrong. The Bible says that you reap what you sow and I believe this to be true. Although my life was better than it had been, it wasn't nearly what it could be or should be. I didn't realize that this verse was talking about everything in my life. What you think about becomes your reality. And, it's not just your thinking, although I think that's probably one of the most important things that it's talking about. It's also talking about what you put into your body, how much sleep you get, how much exercise you get...all these things. Tommy Newberry says the reason it's so hard to change is that most of the thoughts you have today are the same as the ones you had yesterday.
No wonder it’s so hard to change. If you truly reap what you sow, and you keep sowing the same thoughts over & over, different results are impossible and how then can there be any change at all? You reap what you sow. Thank God he is patient with me because for years and years I was never intentional about my thought life. If you want to change, if you want to quit worrying, if you want to get rid of anxiety, you have to change the things you think about.
James writes about looking in a mirror and forgetting what I look like when I walk away. I think this means, I need to look at myself; see what things are going on in my life. Take a personal inventory of myself and see if there are some things in my life that I could do without; like selfishness, lust, envy, greed, pride, and bitterness.
We are supposed to be growing in the fruits of the Spirit, not acting like we're not forgiven. So, how do we grow in the fruits of the Spirit? I think it starts the same way you grow any other fruit. First, you sow the seed. James 1:21 says to receive the implanted word with meekness; which is able to save your soul. This happened when I received Christ.
When I asked Jesus into my life, I was relieved of these things and forgiven. I think my problem was that I didn't quit thinking about those things. I actually thought about those things more (selfishness, lust, envy, greed, pride and bitterness), because my focus was on NOT doing those things. You can't quit doing something by thinking about it. For example, if you think about dieting you will be hungrier. What I have learned to do to lose weight was simple (cut my food intake in half), yet hard (stop eating when I hit that point). By learning procrastination when thinking about food, I stopped eating between meals. I quit drinking alcohol by telling myself that I'm not going to think about that right now. Here's the deal, if you think about something long enough, you will do it. So, training your brain to procrastinate thinking about things you want to quit doing is the key to any lasting change in your life. This is a mental exercise, but I also use prayer to help in this area.
What I realize now is in order to put those things out of my life I have to quit focusing on them and start practicing the opposite. I think those sins were habits that I had developed over the years of living my own way. Now I have to get into some new habits, sow some new seeds. So, what do I do now? I have my inventory of sins or character defects or whatever you want to call them. I need to make a list of the opposite character traits and pray, read, and reread this list of attributes. Every day I need to concentrate on becoming more and more like this ideal person that I want to become. Prayer, repetition, and diligence will lead to new habits formed and then change; amazing change.